tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71271144630308446122024-02-20T22:39:21.615-06:00Mom vs HeroinAthenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.comBlogger78125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-80938441991910359562014-08-13T13:32:00.004-05:002014-08-19T19:03:18.642-05:00Hire me - it's ok :-)As I have been sending out my resume and applying for a new job, it suddenly occurred to me that a prospective employer might search social media and etc... And end up here on my blog.<!-- Site Meter -->
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If so, I hope that they can see that my real life experiences that I write about here lend additional skills that add value:</div>
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Honesty</div>
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Integrity</div>
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Flexibility</div>
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Empathy</div>
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Leadership</div>
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Compassion</div>
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Persistence</div>
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Conflict management</div>
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So please, do not let the title of my blog scare you off - in fact, it could lead to an interesting interview!</div>
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Regards,</div>
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Athena</div>
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PS - my daughter and grandchildren are doing well!</div>
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Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-79067383172631943192013-08-19T23:46:00.001-05:002022-11-18T15:05:26.159-06:00Prayers and positive vibes neededAll - can you please include us in your prayers and pass the request to any prayer group you are aware of? I cannot elaborate here, but I feel that he is in possible danger, his emotional well being and security at risk. We have a court hearing on Wednesday, and our prayer is that the right decision is made to keep both Landon and his Sweet sister safe aand secure now and in the future<br />
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Thank you in advance</div>
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Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-44606124245364948102013-05-03T16:07:00.002-05:002013-05-03T16:07:35.933-05:00The Long and Winding Journey<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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My daughter is now in the TDCJ system again - she was in County jail for so long - it seems like almost 9 months. I never got the full story of what happened, but it clearly traced back to the wrong people and drugs. Sigh.<br />
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We are in touch via writing - and while she was in county we spoke on the phone at least monthly. I love her, I miss her, and I hope that one day she will be able to stay clean unrelated to being in jail. I haven't talked to her since she was moved to Gatesville, but do have her ID and sent her some funds and a note on Jpay.<br />
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She is an incredible person when straight - works so hard - but besides the drugs, so far she is addicted to really poor choices in her male company. <br />
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Landon will be 5 in July - Kaylee turned 3 in February. They are amazingly beautiful and intelligent and loving children. The irony of this dreadful addiction. Kaylee now comes and spends time with us at least once a month. They are both a joy and amazingly exhausting! We are reaching a fork in the road soon, with Landon needing to be enrolled in public school next year for Kindergarten. The current visitation schedule will need to be modified, and I am praying that the other grandparents will not dispute him staying here with us for the school year. Right now he goes and spends a week with them every third month.<br />
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We all do get along better than we did when Landon was born - the two sets of grandparents have been the only constants for these kiddos. It seems to be best to have Landon with us and Kaylee with them - Financially, energy-wise, and because it is what they are used to. <br />
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Amanda will need a place to parole to - I am researching half-way houses and options. Any suggestions?<br />
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How are all of YOU?<br />
<script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br />Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-38186924857640680022012-10-15T18:35:00.000-05:002012-11-22T20:15:49.375-06:00The Good and the Bad<script type="text/javascript">
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Geez, it's been a long time! And I never did fix the pictures I tried to post the last time from my iphone, so I am posting some new ones here.<br />
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Not much to say, except it's been very much like a winding road - My daughter was doing well; she did go to rehab, but once out went back to doing things "her way" - and for a while, it was ok. She had a job and got promoted even - she was a good mother to Kaylee and visited with Landon when she could... the "boyfriend" was in jail for much of the time.<br />
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But the last few months she's fallen behind. A new boyfriend - guess I can call him BF2 - and meth. and guns. Lovely lovely. All coalesced into an arrest this weekend - that's the short of it.<br />
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Her OB/GYN called trying to get a hold of her today - a health matter - no idea beyond that... I have concerns that you can very well imagine. Maybe this time I am wrong and I hope that I am.<br />
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So - The Good:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_n5Oh_KspCTerRNj1dflYuY3e1rqoN3ZlyXyIMYYIqdauhUWdq2aNwpX0Inj79T9tryDSXxcGQIRZmVhmruvAZKG1Cq2i1CpGLywteQ9jgU3WIxSMPllbZCoevm1T-_wrQNTD1zgS-qw/s1600/Landon+10-13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_n5Oh_KspCTerRNj1dflYuY3e1rqoN3ZlyXyIMYYIqdauhUWdq2aNwpX0Inj79T9tryDSXxcGQIRZmVhmruvAZKG1Cq2i1CpGLywteQ9jgU3WIxSMPllbZCoevm1T-_wrQNTD1zgS-qw/s1600/Landon+10-13.jpg" /></a><br />
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Landon - A healthy happy 4 year old - Four. Years. Old. :-)<br />
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Kaylee - A beautiful, healthy 2 year old. Not so good: She sure is confused and misses her mama. I am very upset at my daughter for putting anyone before her children. (We don't get to spend much time with Kaylee - we generally see her only when we transfer Landon with his other grand-parents; Amanda signed custody of Kaylee to them while she was in jail around June on 2010 - I am sure there is a blog post from that period on here somewhere. We didn't know about the custody arrangement at the time - we found out last summer. The other grandparents take good care of her, and are protective of her as far as the adults who have let these children down so far, from what I can tell. What's hard is Kaylee is old enough to know Landon's routine and wants to come with us when Landon does, and she's just too little to try to understand why she can't - That makes her and me sad. We've discussed with the other grandparents, going forward, letting her come stay with us at least one weekend a month - when she's ready. Right now she never knows where she'll be or who she'll be with, and that is very hard on her.) We did have her for a weekend in late July, and that is when the below picture was taken - she's holding a purple "kitty" that I knit for her ...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiri-sJiFenW2Gn4sG5fYRHRhiJ3dTYqVwOEZGB4NFc0FiHOUwqNu0quleAZVZai5NvkO729B9XVuU-_BtD3-LETo3i1C6D8EnXVO62WUzOgUcSPvuQTf7PPi-54yRV0tSLe4Rs5dQiw0s/s1600/crochet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiri-sJiFenW2Gn4sG5fYRHRhiJ3dTYqVwOEZGB4NFc0FiHOUwqNu0quleAZVZai5NvkO729B9XVuU-_BtD3-LETo3i1C6D8EnXVO62WUzOgUcSPvuQTf7PPi-54yRV0tSLe4Rs5dQiw0s/s320/crochet.jpg" width="239" /></a>I have had an odd "crafty" journey since last Christmas when Norm bought me some foot jewelry that got me interested in "beading" - I amassed quite a lot of supplies, but so far not too many finished projects - I've learned a lot, but thanks to the internet, learning to do the next step in a project tended to lead to other projects, etc etc until I ran accross an article about crocheting with beads - well. I never could figure out crochet, but tried again - I didn't get too far with crochet jewelry though, because: I learned to crochet!! Yarn and crochet hooks? I have them now! And... crocheting led to knitting which I KNEW I couldn't do - but what the heck... I had yarn, so tried and... I can KNIT! Maybe it's because I am a grammy? I don't know - but what I do know that there is therapy for me in having this "busy-work" to keep my hands moving - and honestly, I think part of the allure is that yarn is something that I can control even if other areas seem out of whack. I think I'll be starting a blog about my craft journey - The name I am thinking of is: If I Can Do It You Can Too. No Seriously.</div>
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A few weeks ago I was back to crocheting, and trying to make a flat circle from memory - I accidentally crocheted a heart instead. And it made me smile.</div>
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Moving forward, one <strike>stich </strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">step at a time.</span></div>
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I hope you and yours are all well - I think of you all so often. Mine and Norm's jobs are going fine, another thing to be thankful for - Just busy busy busy busy. I don't have much time for blogging - I sure do *think* a lot though.</div>
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~hugs</div>
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<script src="http://digg.com/tools/diggthis.js" type="text/javascript"></script><br />Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-65954331045988182672011-11-22T02:57:00.004-06:002012-10-15T18:38:43.899-05:00Another Birthday, Continued Hope and Thanks-GivingYesterday, my daughter turned 22. Amazing. I am Thankful that she is still alive, and am grateful for a chance to see her today after so many months of "not knowing" - It is a gift to me each time I can hold her and tell her that I love her, and that I believe in her strength.<br />
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She seems to be at a fork in the road - she's been here before, yes - but for her birthday, as a gift, I am believing in her. While she was here she made a call to <a href="http://www.nexusrecovery.org/home.html">Nexus Recovery</a>. They do not have a detox bed until possibly Wednesday, and a counselor will call her then. I pray she is still determined on Wednesday.<br />
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I also spoke with a kind soul, Doug Y., from the <a href="http://heroinanonymousdallas.org/">Dallas chapter of Heroin Anonymous</a>; it just means so much when you get a call from somewhere like that and they are "real" - I felt the care in his voice, and it meant so much.<br />
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And then <a href="http://duanessong.blogspot.com/">I read Cassie's blog</a> and I cried.<br />
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I am doing this mobile, so not sure if I can add recent pictures of Landon until tomorrow... But I do have a video to share from last week. He is healthy and happy and a joy to all. I have recently seen Landon's "Sissy" Kaylee. She is staying with the other grandparents, and is healthy, sweet and sassy - much like her mother at that age (almost 2!) - She and Landon are very close and that is a joy to me.<br />
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I better go to bed - but on this special day I wanted to put forward some encouraging and loving words to my daughter. I hope you all are able to take the time this week to give thanks for the small gifts that surround us every day.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/v_T0zEbL9mU" width="420"></iframe><br />Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-45611000079732053832011-07-31T13:18:00.004-05:002011-07-31T13:26:32.104-05:00Using Again... All The Signs are ThereLandon turned 3 on the 24th... My, how time flies. He's doing great.<br />
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I haven't seen Amanda in a few weeks. For a while she was in touch,and brought Kaylee to see me. She looked good and her outlook was positive. My biggest concern was the fact that she had taken up 100% with "boyfriend" once he got out of jail. She was doing so well without him.<br />
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Those who have seen her regularly say she is using again. Her father, who she and "boyfriend" were living with, told me of paraphernalia found, and "using behavior." When confronted by him she did not deny it. In telling me this, he asked me not to say anything to Amanda, and I didn't. However, when we met the other grandparents soon after to exchange Landon, they also expressed concerns and felt the "kids" needed to be drug-tested. I told them what was told to me.<br />
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Ah - the drama starts again... The other grandparents told them to take a drug test or give them Kaylee, or else they would call CPS. End result is that Kaylee is with her grandparents. This much is encouraging.<br />
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I am haunted by this song and the senseless tragedy of Amy Winehouse's addiction. I was also moved by this tribute from <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/2011/jul/24/russell-brand-amy-winehouse-woman" TARGET="_blank">Russell Brand and what he says about addiction</a><br />
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<iframe frameborder="0" width="480" height="360" src="http://www.dailymotion.com/embed/video/xk3el1"></iframe><br />
<a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xk3el1_amy-winehouse-rehab_music" target="_blank">Amy Winehouse - Rehab</a> <i>by <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/Henrietta-Aime-Fumer_Tv" target="_blank">Henrietta-Aime-Fumer_Tv</a></i>Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-18026142156655538772011-03-08T22:46:00.002-06:002011-03-09T01:59:31.511-06:00My Daughter Is A Strong WomanIt's been so long since I've updated... My daughter is doing great, and I am thankful every day to be able to say that. Especially on this 100th anniversary of International Women's Day.<br />
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She has travelled a road that many do not survive, but I believe in her. In her strength, and goodness, and her desire to be a good mother. She's sober, and working hard. She is beautiful and healthy and smart. She is surrounded by family and love, and I know she can do anything she sets herself to do. <br />
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Today I feel the purpose of my blog has changed; I feel the story is an important one, though, so I'll keep it up. She's not quite sure how to take this blog - it certainly is my side of where we have been... After all of this time, she has grown from a child into a woman, and she finally understands I was never "fighting" her, I was "fighting" heroin. Perhaps one day my daughter will co-blog with me? We'll see. I have been inspired by so many others, and I hope she will be as well. She can be an inspiration, too.<br />
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Stay strong and don't give up... This community of parents has been a life-saver to me. I try to check in on all of my friends here; I'll try harder - because I truly do care.<br />
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One step at a time, moving forward...<br />
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<center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/03/08/3309.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/03/08/s_3309.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center>Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-45330353678252190202010-11-22T22:16:00.003-06:002010-11-23T20:20:02.695-06:00Mom Stuff... and Wishing You All Safe HolidaysNovember 21st, My daughter turned 21. It is so sad and ironic that when all of this started she was 17, and counting the days until she would be "free" of parental restrictions.<br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I have not heard from her, still. I did find out that she can receive electronic messages and pictures via "jpay" while she is in state jail - and so I sent her a message and some pictures ... and even $20 for commissary - I can do that on her birthday... It is always harder on her birthday... and Thanksgiving.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I would have written, but I am still not sure exactly what facility she is in - but Jpay only requires her State CID # - something like that... I am thankful I had some way to try to reach her on her Birthday.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"></div><br />
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Happy Birthday, Honey. I am not sure you will get this in time, but I hope of course that you know I am thinking of you always, and especially so on your Birthday. I miss you every day, like I am sure you miss your children - that will never change. Your Birthday and Thanksgiving will never seem complete when you are not here. It's been so long. <br />
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I am sure there are reasons you have not written - I just want to be sure you know that no matter what, I love you. You are my baby.<br />
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Speaking of babies, Landon and Kaylee are doing very well. I have attached recent pictures of them, I hope that you get them. I do not have so many of Kaylee. I see her when we exchange Landon - she is always so sweet and if she's awake, she is smiling. Your sister brought her for the day not too long after you went to LS, and she was just starting to crawl... and very playful. The only thing was when she got sleepy, she was not very patient with regular back-patting or rocking. Finally, I took her to a quiet room without BOYS and tried to do what I imagined you might do. I held her to my chest and swayed side to side, and sang "silent night." She immediately relaxed, and let herself fall asleep in my arms. It may be a coincedence, but that is also what always worked with you when you were a baby.<br />
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Landon - well - what a talker! He is so smart, and funny. And SMART. He is weaning himself from his pacifier (his dada) - but still likes it when he goes to sleep. The other night when we wre getting ready for bed, he went in the playroom to get his dada while I was putting dishes up. He came running back looking upset and said "where's my dada?" (Yes, he talks that well!) - I told him it was in the playroom and he said it wasn't, so I went with him to show him - and he was right, it was not where I KNEW he had left it. I turned around & started looking thru his toys, and then he said "It's hid-in-ing!" - I followed him to the futon where he has pillows and stuffed animals, and had to laugh when he got a mischeivious look in his eyes and said "Theres it is! It was hid-in-ing!" and reached behind his monkey and pulled out his dada! He sure was proud of that joke, and I admit he got me good. :-)<br />
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These sweet children remind me so much of you, Amanda. So much. I have attached a picture of 1 - Landon at the park, 2- Pirate Landon on Halloween, 3- Landon asleep with "Buzz Woody" - his favorite movie is Toy Story 3... And 4 - Miss Kaylee taken recently in Terrell.<br />
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I hope you will write, Sweetheart, but if you don't, please know I am thinking about you, and worrying about you, and loving you.<br />
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I will never forget my cabbage patch baby born November 21st, 1989. I look forward to the day when we are together again on your birthday and the holidays. You have a family who loves you and misses you, and only wants all of the good things for you that you are capable of achieving. Stay strong. Keep moving forward. (I will also send some birthday money thru Jpay - I hope you can use it for some comforts. I wish it was a better birthday, Honey. It seems it will not get to you by Sunday, either, but I am sending it as soon as I finish this letter.<br />
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I love you, <br />
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Mom <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKx8x0EdjIBPmJhI9j2nlQ8_yBwI6sGGVXRScNxMQ_aGE-LAMaLNAfvcTcl7SZmOIq_2K6A5X5X4VkxW3gcYfXfSdgeXap9ZFO48QCe5LIAcw7coIiCccEkAX4vr9ZvKH0J-Fuhbfwxyg/s1600/kaylee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKx8x0EdjIBPmJhI9j2nlQ8_yBwI6sGGVXRScNxMQ_aGE-LAMaLNAfvcTcl7SZmOIq_2K6A5X5X4VkxW3gcYfXfSdgeXap9ZFO48QCe5LIAcw7coIiCccEkAX4vr9ZvKH0J-Fuhbfwxyg/s200/kaylee.jpg" width="148" /></a><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">*****************************<br />
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I hope you all have a Wonderful, Thankful Holiday<br />
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</script></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-30990844438329183782010-10-25T23:46:00.003-05:002010-10-25T23:54:16.754-05:00Quiet time... Not Likely<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCgSm9kNTfwDGcqduJz_cKxOHEFI6TCBlbvfOpcJ3sEndIE35l0FREjgmZczmfiG-23ZUOZ8GzQAb0UzS3yAzIecFQAsTaTOzpRWyGemzC7UnI_BuPn_TFNJ5PKgEh5trUMIs17ici6iQ/s1600/Landon.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" nx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCgSm9kNTfwDGcqduJz_cKxOHEFI6TCBlbvfOpcJ3sEndIE35l0FREjgmZczmfiG-23ZUOZ8GzQAb0UzS3yAzIecFQAsTaTOzpRWyGemzC7UnI_BuPn_TFNJ5PKgEh5trUMIs17ici6iQ/s320/Landon.JPG" width="239" /></a>I have been waiting for some solitude to put in an update and do justice to the whole complicated situation. But, I don't really see any solitude or quiet moments of reflection in the near future... that is not a negative in many ways - the time away from the demands of my job is best spent with my husband and Landon and the children who are running the typical gamut of young adulthood... and, it is my pleasure to be involved in the "normal" madness. <br />
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We recently celebrated my eldest son's 30th birthday and his engagement to his long time girlfriend. Such a wonderful thing... enjoyed time spent with my 2nd eldest daughter, discussing her challenges with her pre-teen sons and her precocious 5 year old... 3rd eldest is preparing for deployment to Afghanistan and that makes time with him important... 4th eldest daughter has flown the nest and it is fascinating watching her balance work and "life" and how well she seems to be doing it... the youngest daughter is one of the most responsible young ladies I have ever met... not only taking classes and working, but also dedicated to Landon as much as any parent ever was dedicated to a child - she has been with him since day one, and actually we have to help her remember to make time for herself.</div><br />
And then, there is our addicted one... my youngest, our second to youngest, the subject of this blog... (Norm and I each have three children from previous marriage.) She has been sentenced to State Jail for at least 6 months... she may also get additional time for heroin possession charge that she was on probation for out of different county. "Boyfriend" also got some state jail time - 8 months - for the endangerment to a child charge. Ironically, if he hadn't involved Kaylee in his get-away attempt, I think he'd probably be out again already. My daughter now has a longer rap sheet than he does. I really have difficulty wrapping my head around that. It is what it is...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGbU6YUQH3rG6pOeRLLKkTE5M_fu7xzvBsQdszeUv43q80FthRyq71VrFTAK-NKJa3fJhAjbTtV9BJmn28rjEhIAIxrIdfcXAzxo0VkW3c5umcvG5JmTsmjNTwUbzL3o3fsc9hN1R92Is/s1600/kaylee+sept.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" nx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGbU6YUQH3rG6pOeRLLKkTE5M_fu7xzvBsQdszeUv43q80FthRyq71VrFTAK-NKJa3fJhAjbTtV9BJmn28rjEhIAIxrIdfcXAzxo0VkW3c5umcvG5JmTsmjNTwUbzL3o3fsc9hN1R92Is/s320/kaylee+sept.PNG" width="213" /></a> <br />
CPS sent us a letter only last week, a form letter, thanking us for our interest and advising that they investigated the situation and found no basis for a case. Yes - Mom and Dad are both in jail, baby was involved in a crime, everything is OK! I can't really wrap my brain around that one either. Kaylee does seem to be ok for the time being - she is crawling now. We see her when we exchange Landon with the other grandparents, and my 2nd eldest daughter has brought her to visit a couple of times when she watched her for a day or a weekend.<br />
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I haven't heard a word from my daughter - unlike all other times, she has not written me even to ask for money. I have written her a couple of times just to let her know I love her and to send her the "Rescue this Child" poem. What else is there to say that hasn't been said in other letters to her in lock-up? It may finally be shame she is feeling - I know she bonded with Kaylee. I don't think it is my place right now to add to that... and if she isn't feeling remorse, what would be the point of communicating any other message? I think she probably wasn't using, except maybe started again shortly before the arrest in August. I have heard there was friction between her and "boyfriend" because he had been using... All I know for sure is she was arrested again - with him - and allowed her daughter to be put in harm's way.<br />
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I think I was almost hoping she would get out as in the past and have time with her daughter without "boyfriend" calling the shots - but really, it isn't just his influence on her. It's the whole situation and the decisions she has made - if not him, there is no reason at this point to think there would be anything to keep her from continuing to make poor decisions<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUh5XJD9UxaorpRYwh-E_zoSY8Q-NRGWRVi8Ntt3FuHOHhY62luGEEKfW_UNa2e97HtITezyR8YavKivaocseowCFU_c_Bqz6LRo5O6q1PqTaxPkoF2VNiVejV5_-i_lNPydqCOzLFfoU/s1600/Landon2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" nx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUh5XJD9UxaorpRYwh-E_zoSY8Q-NRGWRVi8Ntt3FuHOHhY62luGEEKfW_UNa2e97HtITezyR8YavKivaocseowCFU_c_Bqz6LRo5O6q1PqTaxPkoF2VNiVejV5_-i_lNPydqCOzLFfoU/s320/Landon2.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>And... Life goes on. It's not all bad, it's mostly good. And for now, I know where everyone is and that they are safe (relatively speaking.) <br />
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Landon is officially in his "terrible twos" ... meaning, he's hitting all of the landmarks and is doing well. Look at that face and that smile - Who needs solitude? Ok, Ok... anyway, when it's calm, we are usually sleeping :-)Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-88763512913939625212010-09-03T15:33:00.004-05:002010-09-03T21:10:19.207-05:00Define "Best Interest of the Child"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGXIOQQe-QLqAwIzQ3eVeNJyPtkdN4SjYcDCMxE_771mNfqLBkSUVfNQdXpLKBxJhQYHa1gGaY6KhgW9-XWSzjSQUAT9yqqm0wDzoCi5lWOfYOZUV_GbYqFDyqqur_yE6D2h4EeNCFb68/s1600/Kaylee+004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGXIOQQe-QLqAwIzQ3eVeNJyPtkdN4SjYcDCMxE_771mNfqLBkSUVfNQdXpLKBxJhQYHa1gGaY6KhgW9-XWSzjSQUAT9yqqm0wDzoCi5lWOfYOZUV_GbYqFDyqqur_yE6D2h4EeNCFb68/s320/Kaylee+004.JPG" /></a></div>Daughter and "boyfriend" remain in Dallas County Jail... CPS has no open case on Kaylee. She is with the other grand-parents still. They told me that Kaylee was "placed" with them, but CPS has told us that there has been no official placement. We are at an impasse there - <br />
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I do not know all of the details, but my daughter's bond amount is now $150,000.00. Her recent theft charges are enhanced previous convictions and violation of probabtion. I don't think she will be getting out soon, but I have been wrong before. The irony is that "Boyfriend's" total bond amount is less than $3500.00; $1500 of which is for the charge of <em>Abandon/Endanger Child by Criminal Negligence.</em> HE could be released any day.<br />
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Based on what I know, when arrested, "boyfriend" took off running with Kaylee in a carrier, tossed her across front seat of car and attempted a get away. Thankfully the officers on the scene stopped him. At some point he was "tazed." (I must admit that I would get great satisfaction if I could have seen that taser action. Sorry, but it's true.) THANK GOD for the quick actions of the Garland PD - I still get nauseous thinking what would have happened if a high chase pursuit had ensued with Kaylee in front seat, unsecured.<br />
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Norm and I have faced a true delimma, and feel that we have made the best decision that we can at this point... <br />
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A. We have done what we can: We called Texas, VZ County and Dallas CPS. Written to them as well. Faxed same correspondence to the prosecuting attorney's for both my daughter and "boyfriend." I contacted a local reporter. I emailed <a href="http://www.dcac.org/about_us.aspx">Dallas Children's Advocacy Center</a>, an organization that works with Dallas County District Attorney's office and law enforcement. The goal and hope being that someone will tie together the past with the present to help ensure Kaylee is safe. I have not gotten any direct response from any, except the reporter's kind assistant who asked me to "keep them posted" and from a wonderfully compassionate soul at DCAC - I believe she has done what she can to bring the info to anyone she felt could help... in one of her last emails to me she stated (regarding VZC CPS) <em>"unfortunately, I am having a hard time getting a response, too. And I work here!"</em> - apparently one difficulty is that there is no CPS case number. Anyway, in an over-burdened system, a direct reply is not necessary... <br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKK_fepsorcEyeRYYymOeHQePlX_NJoRA0n5mt_Vt8yOzPtXnTsKjP8T43XAiUA1lfkkshIBzN2Sn0BHedPNMUl0HGa1sjVYhV2nSjMczS6Jj5AtfXOD9nWyaQ7aQxqwDkdYIHMTCykCA/s1600/txt+with+cl+blur.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" ox="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKK_fepsorcEyeRYYymOeHQePlX_NJoRA0n5mt_Vt8yOzPtXnTsKjP8T43XAiUA1lfkkshIBzN2Sn0BHedPNMUl0HGa1sjVYhV2nSjMczS6Jj5AtfXOD9nWyaQ7aQxqwDkdYIHMTCykCA/s320/txt+with+cl+blur.png" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">B. Norm did speak with the VZC CPS worker who apparently has spoken with the other grand-parents. She is the one who advised there is not an open case, as Kayle is safe now. And, that despite what the other grand-parents have implied, there is no safety plan or formal placement, and Norm and I need to coordinate with the other grand-parents directly to work out visitation with Kaylee. <br />
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This is the hard part - We do not feel that we can take on this responsibility with the people who have proven time and again to us that they have no respect for us, will not put the children's best interests first, or be honest with us about issues affecting the children. Nor have they made any attempt to include us in Kaylee's care. They have brought her with them on the last few "Landon exchanges" so that we can see and hold her all of 5 minutes. Yes, we could ask them if we could take her with us for a weekend... but, not only do I hesitate to ask their "permission" for something I am as entitled to as they are, but also am very aware that at this point, when they say "no", I really have no recourse. We have made arrangements with other family members to bring her to see us. </div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div>The example in the picture likely seems trivial, to anyone unfamiliar with the history dating back to 2007. But this text message here from the other grand-mother just emphasizes the fundamental concern, to us - From the day Landon was born, they have resented our "intrusion" - They see us as adversaries. I suppose they believe we see them the same way, and to a certain degree that may be true.<br />
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**venting alert**<br />
Specific concerns, based on our history of attempts to work with the other grand-parents (and my daughter and their son) at the very least demonstrate to us a co-dependence and enabling pattern that we feel has and will continue to put Landon and Kaylee at risk.<br />
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<ul><li>In 2007, after arranging for my 2 months pregnant daughter to enter re-hab, they came and picked her up and "took care of her." They refused all efforts to meet with us to discuss the situation or take any other action to ensure the saftey of the child on the way, despite knowledge of the heroin addiction and their son's past history with CPS related to his heroin addiction.</li>
</ul><br />
<ul><li>They supported my daughter and son throughout her pregnancy with Landon. Including bailing them both out of jail - which lead up to Amanda's withdrawal emergency at 8 months preganant.</li>
</ul><br />
<ul><li>Despite the fact that our actions likely saved the life of my daughter and Landon, they resented our involvement of CPS. Once they were included in the CPS Family Safety Plan, which made us all responsible to take legal action to obtain custody if my daughter and their son failed to uphold their responsibilities (stay clean, go to rehab, get a job, create a safe home, etc) - they refused to follow through with us when my daughter and their son continued to use heroin.</li>
</ul><br />
<ul><li>Due to their refusal to cooperate, CPS advised Norm and I to obtain a lawyer and file suit for custody of Landon. We did so and filed suit in the proper jurisdiction: Dallas County - where Landon was born and legally resided. Process servers attempted to serve notice to my daughter and their son at all known addresses, but were unable to locate them. The other grandparents and family stated to us and to law enforcement that they did not know the whereabouts of their son and my daughter.</li>
</ul><br />
<ul><li>After failure to serve them papers, we were advised to not only seek custody, but termination of parental rights. Again, for the same reasons we were unable to serve them papers of amended motion.</li>
</ul><br />
<ul><li>Shortly after a Dallas County hearing in which they failed to appear, despite finally having them served when they went to Dallas County for an appearance concerning a criminal charge, the paternal grandfather appeared on our doorstep with an order granting them temporary custody of Landon! All of the while they had claimed they did not know where their son and my daughter where, after and fully aware that we had filed proper suit in Dallas County, they had retained an attorney, filed an illegal custody suit in Van Zandt County stating that Landon lived with them and attached affidavits written by my daughter and their son stating that they were unfit to care for Landon and wished custody to be granted to the paternal grandparents. In so many ways they perjured themselves. We did not hand Landon over to him, of course - when he called local law enforcement and they came to our home, they agreed we did not have to turn the baby over as we had the same orders issued out of Dallas County.</li>
</ul><br />
<ul><li>Within days, the paternal grandparents had obtained a "writ of mandamus" from Van Zandt County ordering law enforcement to take Landon from us. (Somehow, hmmm, local law enforcement was unable to locate me or Landon until our attorney took the legal steps needed to invalidate the writ.)</li>
</ul><br />
<ul><li>Despite the illegal actions, we agreed to change venue to Van Zandt County and became parties to the suit there. This was an expediency issue, not to mention a financial one, as it was the quickest way to get the case before one judge. The end result was an agreement reached for shared custody of Landon that we have today. Our legal expenses alone where $15,000. I have heard the other grandparents spent $5000. It seems a travesty that $20,000 that could have been invested in college funds for these children, or rehab if and when either my daughter or their son sincerely wanted help, was instead spent the way that it was simply because the other grandparents would not work with us per the terams of the CPS Family Safety Plan.</li>
</ul>So... are the paternal grandparents dishonest, and hateful? Or are they so seriously entrenched in their co-dependency that they really believe the things they have done out of love for their son were the right things to do? I can't answer that. I do believe they love their son, and Landon, and Kaylee. I also know they do not love them more than I love my daughter, and Landon, and Kaylee.<br />
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Other areas of concern are chronicled throughout my blog. Norm and I, based soley on our own experience, do not feel comfortable entering into another legal fray like the last. The current effects on Landon under the custody we share with them now are becoming more and more difficult for Landon, the older he gets. We have no enforcement of the custody that stipulates no unsupervised visits by my daughter and "boyfriend" when Landon is with the other grandparents. If and when they are released from jail, the worry in that regards begins again.<br />
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CPS is an overburdened agency - an official safety plan if put in place will again make the family members who enter into it legally responsible for the safety of Kaylee. At this point, we could only <em>consider</em> it if the others had unsupervised visits. We cannot guarantee her safety otherwise. But even then... Really, honestly ... I do not understand why a safety plan rather than flat out termination of my daughter and "boyfriend's" parental rights should even be considered. There are wonderful people who are unable to have children of their own and would rejoice at the opportunity to adopt a 6 month old baby girl. To me a "safety plan" with the goal of re-uniting Kaylee with her parents is an excercise in madness, with the consequences ultimately being tragic. Kaylee is safe right now, but all of the things that could have happened on August 4th when Kaylee was innocently involved in a crime by her parents.<br />
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What about future children my daughter chooses to have with "boyfriend"- for all anyone knows, she could be pregnant again. It's a hell of a mess. My heart breaks for all of children of addicts; and for the families who really want to ensure their safety.Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-33235760432512528232010-08-10T22:35:00.006-05:002010-09-03T16:45:01.404-05:00Just When You Least Expect It ....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTTfTEKNH8rJMx73me2kZDkj-cbRTVy9G_aoixHx1VjViK9DswIAfsFW1U0S2ZdJbhWvWyN6m5LE78OF1rXTj9JGlCSSLzX_KlmeRh9qab55AFCUUW3FWv9iUFPYtz1CpOLfns3IrGX84/s1600/landon+hide.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTTfTEKNH8rJMx73me2kZDkj-cbRTVy9G_aoixHx1VjViK9DswIAfsFW1U0S2ZdJbhWvWyN6m5LE78OF1rXTj9JGlCSSLzX_KlmeRh9qab55AFCUUW3FWv9iUFPYtz1CpOLfns3IrGX84/s320/landon+hide.JPG" /></a></div>I swear, I was going to post something - something good. I swear it - and I had come THIS close to accepting that me blogging something positive would not "jinx" any thing... I guess I learned for sure that my daughter's situation happens whether I weigh in or not, or... or... Just <em>thinking</em> about writing something positive is enough to tilt the world on it's axis.<br />
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Truth is, I wanted to say I thought she was doing well - I have seen her a few times, briefly, when she has ridden along with the other grandparents when it was time to exchange Landon for his visits. She looked good - I've seen more of Kaylee because my other daughter was babysitting her while A went to work. To Work! She was working - I was excited about that. So, when I have seen her she's looked - well, like a tired mom. But what I have worried about is I haven't seen or heard much of anything about "the boyfriend" - and I still believe anyone who chooses his life chooses trouble. I would really like to be wrong about that.<br />
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Anyway - short of it is they are both in jail as of last Wednesday. Caught shoplifting is what my daughter told me when she finally called me because... well, because that's the only time I really hear from her.. and since no one got her out before she finally called me. I will never get over how hard it is to take those calls. Anyway, she told me she hadn't talked to anyone. She was deperate to get out "cause I have to go to work" - I got off the phone, took a breath... then...<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
I went to the county website and did an inmate search, found her... then I found him. His charge? ABANDON ENDANGER CHILD CRIMINAL NEGLIGENCE - among other things. She called back shortly and I asked her to tell me what happened. She made it sound like no big deal - "Boyfriend" took off running from the police holding 5 month old Kaylee. She said his brother had the baby at the time she called..<br />
<br />
What would you have done? I called CPS. I'm finding out 2-3 days after the fact, and just the day before we had handed Landon over for his weekend with the other grandparents. It didn't add up to anything re-assuring, that's for sure. I found out soon enough that the other grandparents knew, and said nothing. My oldest daughter even - she knew, and said nothing. A lot of people knew. Just not me or Norm.<br />
<br />
We met the other grandmother yesterday, to pick Landon up. The first thing she said was "Did you call CPS?" I told her we did. What I should have said is <em>"Yes, didn't you???"</em> She said she'd wished we'd given them her work number, they'd called her cell and left a message. (?) ... She hadn't spoken with them yet, only had a voicemail, and was pretty dismissive of the siuation: "They just weren't thinking..."<br />
<br />
At the same time I was in parking lot talking to her, someone texted me that the grandparents were planning on going to the jail to get a signature from Amanda so they could "enroll Kaylee in daycare." <br />
<br />
Anyway - it was the 6th when we found out and called CPS. We haven't heard anything... <br />
Apparently case was closed after CPS was called when Kaylee was born in February, and no one was monitoring my daughter, "boyfriend," or their baby Kaylee. I have cried all I can cry, written all I can write to investigators in past CPS cases. In case any of them read this blog:<br />
<br />
"I want to know the children are safe. Please drug test them. If Kaylee is placed I would like to have visits with her, I would like to see her and her brother spending time together. The parents have not fulfilled the plan CPS drew up over 2 years ago when Landon was born. I understand they tested clean when Kaylee was born (the had spent 5 months in jail.) I wanted it to work, too. My daughter's "Boyfriend" has had 4-5 other children removed from him before he met my daughter. THEY WERE IN A WALMART, IN DALLAS, STEALING, WITH A 5 MONTH OLD. On a day when the weather was 104 degrees. I understand my daughter and her "boyfriend" did not list me as a contact to come get Kaylee, even though I was minutes away. Please just remember why: <em>I would have called CPS</em>. (There is no one else to call in this case.) I also would have gone and picked her up, and kept her safe for as long as we were asked to. The other grandparents probably won't explain that there are 2 sets of loving grandparents - because last time there was a safety plan, my husband and I took it serious. Landon is safe. Please protect Kaylee."<br />
<br />
I believe my daughter has bonded to and loves Kaylee. I know Kaylee is very likely trying to understand where her Mom is - and her Aunt who has been babysitting even. This whole situation is heartbreaking. I wish I could hug her and keep her safe and tell her it will all be ok. I wish I could hug my daughter, too.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">July 2010 at the "half way point"</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqVAgN8Wm_DBYn0WVg5BUhyq6AYn0J3c29Jr7Z7_n2OJJtWOiKNilK5gHY_sHa6kjS680JSLqzaRDVXmZUyADxPcnijzoGamzPR_OTCgQRVbwHzT0sr5I8NVAdys8E_Ko0iqGo34ILSM0/s1600/norm+kaylee.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqVAgN8Wm_DBYn0WVg5BUhyq6AYn0J3c29Jr7Z7_n2OJJtWOiKNilK5gHY_sHa6kjS680JSLqzaRDVXmZUyADxPcnijzoGamzPR_OTCgQRVbwHzT0sr5I8NVAdys8E_Ko0iqGo34ILSM0/s320/norm+kaylee.JPG" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif9zPKrmnrPky5vcxczAdgyxFiK8xoI6TVJk0Hq8XcbLgPyqUtHE-7Jf08bRXnA6uy9PBoy4iE2YRwXQeoLDIS_nR-lhPdT-U06YnAQ8vWhMOYAK3ZGLsD4QUmlTIwrH-PWSzXRX3c_pw/s1600/me+kaylee.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mx="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif9zPKrmnrPky5vcxczAdgyxFiK8xoI6TVJk0Hq8XcbLgPyqUtHE-7Jf08bRXnA6uy9PBoy4iE2YRwXQeoLDIS_nR-lhPdT-U06YnAQ8vWhMOYAK3ZGLsD4QUmlTIwrH-PWSzXRX3c_pw/s320/me+kaylee.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and Heeeree's Landon - 2 years old on 7/24/2010:</div><div style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-39169150805711595742010-05-14T17:00:00.002-05:002010-05-14T21:25:05.971-05:00Happy Belated Mother's DaySo many have checked in, and I apologize that I have not written much. We are well... I think of you all often, and I guess I am guilty of illogically feeling that I may jinx something by posting that, as far as I know, my daughter and her daughter are also well. I have been in touch with her by phone, tho I haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks. The last time I saw her was a "Landon exchange" with the other grandparents, and she had a Mother's Day gift for me. She looked good, looked tired, which is how most moms of a 2-3 month old babies look... I hear Kaylee is happy and healthy - she has been there also on a couple of "exchanges", but not on any the past few weeks.<br />
<br />
I want to share, for all the Moms and Dads, really all who love an addict - this beautiful and inspiring post by BMelonsLemonade:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://hashishdreamsandheroinnightmares.blogspot.com/2010/05/mothers.html">Mothers</a><br />
<br />
~Hugs~Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-5807824070870203192010-03-21T18:40:00.002-05:002010-09-03T16:45:43.991-05:00Update<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTDyMJPDG4lm9jiv2zcuVzmYM4Fs1hWBzcvi74tFqlQg675QiRab7tTnabORU9O0jNctP5MzVSWxgLcGNPKMDtYVIwUvT-H3Mx6mn8FgLn_fsqPDzkFwrIx_QCpogKHiww_CJ-BmAuKt0/s1600-h/landon+meets+kaylee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTDyMJPDG4lm9jiv2zcuVzmYM4Fs1hWBzcvi74tFqlQg675QiRab7tTnabORU9O0jNctP5MzVSWxgLcGNPKMDtYVIwUvT-H3Mx6mn8FgLn_fsqPDzkFwrIx_QCpogKHiww_CJ-BmAuKt0/s320/landon+meets+kaylee.jpg" /></a>I apologize it's been so long since I updated...<br />
<br />
Mom and babe are healthy... As predicted, I was only notified that my daughter had delivered the baby because she hemorrhaged and was taken back into surgery several hours after the birth - Thankfully, some who conspired to keep me in the dark understood that I deserved to know when my daughter's life was in the balance. I don't think I need to explain the awfulness of the hour and 1/2 drive to the hospital praying that my daughter .... well ... <br />
<br />
So - Thankfully, the following day she was out of ICU... I was focused on her and the baby and thankful.<br />
<br />
On the 2nd day, after I went to the hospital again at my daughter's request, "boyfriend" - nice to my face - later threw a fit about me being there. In the evening when several family members were there, a nurse came in and said the baby needed to go back to the nursery for tests, and suggested family members step out of the room while she talked to my daughter and "boyfriend"...<br />
<br />
We went downstairs, and about 15 minutes later "boyfriend" called me on my cell, yelling that I was not welcome to come back, that my daughter did not want me there, etc etc... Apparently CPS was called, and naturally, it was all MY fault.<br />
<br />
Long story short... all were tested. When results came back, all tested clean. My daughter is talking to me on the phone, and I saw the baby on Thursday when we met with the other grandparents to exchange Landon for his visitation with them this week.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, this time and the time before, Landon did not want to go... <br />
<a name='more'></a>I don't know if it's the attention paid to new little sister Kaylee, or just the normal behavior of a 20 month old who is frustrated by the lack of continuity and the frequent back and forth... It is very hard on us all, but hardest of all on Landon.<br />
<br />
I pray that my daughter continues to bond with her daughter and will always put her children's needs first. Thank you all for your continued prayers and for "being there..."Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-37384851451641485582010-02-25T11:55:00.001-06:002010-09-03T16:46:37.095-05:00Introducing...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPI7xtZEs2C-sy_Z67OlnCpajta_KLwsRbuGmmHSX5tM3uyKOxO06BZk1GVy1QRu3yhsoyyhXAVpyB_PTA8P309YbF4ZJ6Q44BoVLqCwJo0xGSVtbACQbuUepMl4fwCyYX_NoESkH1u9c/s1600-h/manda+kaylie2-24-2010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPI7xtZEs2C-sy_Z67OlnCpajta_KLwsRbuGmmHSX5tM3uyKOxO06BZk1GVy1QRu3yhsoyyhXAVpyB_PTA8P309YbF4ZJ6Q44BoVLqCwJo0xGSVtbACQbuUepMl4fwCyYX_NoESkH1u9c/s320/manda+kaylie2-24-2010.jpg" /></a></div>So far it's been a bumpy ride - My daughter has had complications following C-Section and is in ICU - Hopefully out of ICU today. So this is just a quick update - more later.<br />
<br />
We have talked, and she is looking forward to doing the right things and putting this baby first. The other grandmother and I have talked also and we will be ready as family to help the parents, as long as they are doing the right things and putting Kaylie first...<br />
<br />
Little Miss Kaylie is doing fine - born 8:15 am yesterday morning:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqwKlhSvjAcQ5YOV5s9QbutBJHf1Dj4hqe8qpMRqwQiRupCQoLZyGrkAG72De6VfpdWyK11YxqkjLWAjWoAjmbQ0i2XUQ1hEpfGuXyKt-Ni5rOSMFiSexL0-uc6cMsVWZe9qdnf1r2JSc/s1600-h/kaylieE2-24-2010.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a name='more'></a><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqwKlhSvjAcQ5YOV5s9QbutBJHf1Dj4hqe8qpMRqwQiRupCQoLZyGrkAG72De6VfpdWyK11YxqkjLWAjWoAjmbQ0i2XUQ1hEpfGuXyKt-Ni5rOSMFiSexL0-uc6cMsVWZe9qdnf1r2JSc/s320/kaylieE2-24-2010.png" /></div></a>Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-60434139785437486642010-02-13T12:49:00.000-06:002010-02-13T12:49:00.972-06:00Plowing Ahead<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPXFjmKbY2q39o3C6dnEcL2fBh-ymJJj4qYTLxErdwF5cvabcTt_RwFNJCi1lsVP5YA26CMY9PcJKTq5GcgQ1wV828lXV2Hz4x_bwZcLGo3YdEUd1oz0rpEiamDLzXSPplItoi_8g1YrQ/s1600/feb12_9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPXFjmKbY2q39o3C6dnEcL2fBh-ymJJj4qYTLxErdwF5cvabcTt_RwFNJCi1lsVP5YA26CMY9PcJKTq5GcgQ1wV828lXV2Hz4x_bwZcLGo3YdEUd1oz0rpEiamDLzXSPplItoi_8g1YrQ/s320/feb12_9.jpg" /></a>No new news, except that I got a promotion at work ... and we got quite a lot of snow, which is unusual in this part of Texas... The next time that we have this much snow fall, Landon may have kids of his own! He likes snow - very much... we have to spell it, S-N-O-W, unless we are prepared to take him out.<br />
<br />
We have a nice park across the street from our house - I thought it would be fun for him to go for a walk, and he agreed - unfortunately, I envisioned the sidewalk that ambles around the park as a nice clear path through the snow. In reality we found about 5 foot of walk fairly clear, and on each side a treacherous path that a few intrepid dog owners had tracked through, leaving footprints that had crusted over with ice... <br />
<br />
Of course, Landon was ready to plow ahead, blissfully unaware of the challenges of that path. We slipped through several yards before I decided we needed to turn back...<br />
<br />
Daughter's "boyfriend" is out of jail as of last week. New baby due within 2 weeks. The other grandparents will have Landon for the third week of this month. I wish the path ahead was clearer. <br />
<br />
Moving ForwardAthenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-16036460412857761022010-01-30T12:14:00.002-06:002010-09-03T15:54:43.575-05:00The No-Drama ZoneWell - not much to tell, but here's an update...<br />
<br />
I have seen my daughter twice - she got released from Dallas County shortly after my last post - we were out eating dinner and having a nice time and the phone rang - she was out, at a payphone - and supposedly couldn't reach anybody. It was one of the coldest nights of the year... I was about to go pick her up, but called the "others" first and they were already on their way to get her. Would have been very apropos if I had gone to get her and she was already on her way, with no one calling to tell me. Almost happened. <br />
<br />
Anyway - I saw her the last two times we took Landon for exchange. She is very pregnant, looks ok. That's about all I know. I hugged her. She could care less, because, well, she's not in jail.<br />
<br />
She is only there when we are dropping Landon off, never when we pick him up. She wrote and called me frequently from jail - nothing since she has been out, except that one cold night when she was covering her bases. Yeah, I know.<br />
<br />
I did ask her and "boyfriend's" mother at points if she is still seeing the doctor she saw while in jail. Both said a hesitant yes. The "boyfriend's" mom last time told me no, then yes, but that they do NOT have a c-section date scheduled. They "don't know nothin'... Ok. Fine. Whatever. I have a feeling I may find out about the birth after the fact, and likely not from daughter or "boyfriend's" family. I have no idea where she is staying - supposedly with a "lady from church." IF that is true I can only imagine the whoppers that good Samaritan was told. <br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
Really, honestly... I don't care. I am well aware we likely will not get a call unless someone needs us to do something that no one else thought of, prepared for or will do - and, honestly, in that case, we just might not be able to do it. In fact - I feel that they are very responsible via their enabling for where my daughter's life is now. Frankly, I'm not losing sleep over any of it.<br />
<br />
Apparently everything is just fine, under control - good for them all. Maybe THIS TIME someone besides my husband and I have made plans for a newborn. Am I worried about the baby? Of course. But it's not a game, no conspiracy here - If they are getting some amusement or feel a victory that they are "hiding" something, they are playing it by themselves. Have a blast. You "win!" ... We simply aren't playing. If my daughter isn't using, and as long as "boyfriend" is still in jail she might actually stay clean; maybe the reality of caring for a newborn is exactly what she needs to wake-up. The "others" want to take care of her - feel free! Maybe then *they* will wake up. They just better understand they will be held accountable for keeping Landon, when he is in their care, and the new babe safe.<br />
<br />
*I* know this:<br />
<br />
I didn't Cause it<br />
I can't Control it<br />
I can't Cure it<br />
<br />
Syd says it well, whether the addiction is heroin, alcohol or "boyfriends" <a href="http://fine-anon.blogspot.com/2007/03/three-cs.html">here</a><br />
<br />
And the serenity prayer.Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-48900241665153817052010-01-07T21:57:00.002-06:002010-01-09T10:20:51.004-06:00Ad Vitam Paramus**Update - she's out, released last night, [Thursday]** <br />
<br />
So - She has been transferred to Dallas County.<br />
<br />
She called me yesterday & last night and feels confident she will be out within a week. It would not surprise me.<br />
<br />
The "boyfriend" is still in VZC; apparently he was indicted on a 2 yr old charge that he had.<br />
<br />
My daughter said she was anxious to get out so she could "work on getting him released" ... With a baby due in (glances up) 50 days.<br />
<br />
Sigh. Keep the prayers coming!Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-14906682900260299422010-01-05T21:17:00.003-06:002010-09-03T15:51:43.881-05:00Keep Moving Forward [don't forget to look back]It is mind-boggling to me when I look back to <a href="http://athenarising.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2008-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-06%3A00&updated-max=2008-02-01T00%3A00%3A00-06%3A00&max-results=2">January 2008</a> and <a href="http://athenarising.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2009-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-06%3A00&updated-max=2009-02-01T00%3A00%3A00-06%3A00&max-results=3">January 2009</a> .... and my friends, when I look back at where <i>you</i> were a year ago, or two... I wonder what this year will hold and what will we think when we look back in January 2011?<br />
<br />
I am glad I don't have a crystal ball... without knowing any more than I do, all I can do is the best that I know to do. There is the potential for great things to happen tomorrow. There is the chance of great sadness, too. I will certainly grow wiser, and pray the education is not too steep; that what I learn is something that will pass along to my daughter one day, and something she will pass along to hers.<br />
<br />
I am so thankful for my husband and family and friends. I am not unhappy - there is so much love and laughter... I only wish my daughter was a willing part of it all, feeling it all, facing it all - with us.<br />
<br />
Moving forward... <br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.</i></span></div><div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises</i></span></div><div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>was oftentimes filled with your tears.</i></span></div><br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>And how else can it be?</i></span></div><div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.</i></span></div><br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?</i></span></div><br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>And is not the lute that soothes your spirit,</i></span></div><div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>the very wood that was hollowed with knives?</i></span></div><br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.</i></span></div><br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.</i></span></div><br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow,"</i></span></div><div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."</i></span></div><div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>But I say unto you, they are inseparable.</i></span></div><br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.</i></span></div><br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.</i></span></div><div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.</i></span></div><div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.</i></span></div><br />
<div style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>~Kahlil Gibran</i></span></div>Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-59577733292742357592009-12-29T09:04:00.003-06:002010-09-03T16:48:14.821-05:00500 Lb Gorilla in the Room<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV0pTUQq0iaQxeaeahWEyKvNmzaw60wl7asEYrZnrkfMFy9JVzdltW_WY5I9h7khPXwXwki-pTne1gH7dM18tXdMz9nxdBfI2HESHXsBU4_a2FeaPyIpwPCnMIiUcQ_apK0WrnAUMbzBs/s1600-h/Christmas+2009+033.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV0pTUQq0iaQxeaeahWEyKvNmzaw60wl7asEYrZnrkfMFy9JVzdltW_WY5I9h7khPXwXwki-pTne1gH7dM18tXdMz9nxdBfI2HESHXsBU4_a2FeaPyIpwPCnMIiUcQ_apK0WrnAUMbzBs/s320/Christmas+2009+033.JPG" /></a>I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Ours was very nice after all, after we got Landon home. He is full of his usual vim and vigor, chattering away, excited by life and glad to be home. We have a new nickname for him: "Typhoid Landon"... Me, Norm and M all got his virus, and it's tenacious... No wonder he was so ill.<br />
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Well, having spent a bit of time in close quarters with the other grandparents, some things were re-assuring, such as his "mee-maw's" sweetness to him. Some things were concerning, some things confirmed, and most things status quo. The weirdest thing of all to me is this: We are all gathered in a room, caring and worrying about this sweet child that we are responsible for because our children, his parents, are addicts and both are in jail ... and the fact that my daughter is 8 months pregnant, a new grandchild is on the way, was not discussed. De ja vous.<br />
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Not for lack of trying on my part. I attempted several times, but that just sets the "we don't know nothing" statements. There were a couple of allusions to Dec. 29th ... for some reason my daughter has had it in her head that she will be getting out of the VZ County Jail today - and transferred to Dallas for an outstanding warrant. Maybe - apparently they had X number of days to hold her without an indictment, but how much of this is jailhouse legal advise and how much is fact, I'm not sure. It would stand to reason the same would apply to the "boyfriend" arrested the same day, but no one seems to think he'll be out any time soon.<br />
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I do think there is a real possibility that the county would find a way to get her off of their hands so that they aren't saddled with the cost of her delivery - a c-section slated for February 19th, if what she has told me so far is true. The concerning part is Dallas has never held her for more than 10 days for anything. Could she be "out" when her baby is born? Yes, I think she might be.<br />
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I am pretty confident the other grand-parents know more than they are telling us. I wouldn't be surprised if my daughter has already signed whatever affidavits and paperwork is needed to transfer the baby to them at birth. It's a waiting game.<br />
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I could have been more pressing, I could have maybe cornered them and said what I have said here at least - but, per status quo, I think it would have only been more frustrating - I wouldn't have believed them, anyway.<br />
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So - today's a day I may or may not learn something. Sigh - they are all like that anyway. A day maybe my thinking shifts to a different kind of worry, a new unknown. Wonder what the new year has in store for us all.<br />
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All I can really do is repeat the serenity prayer and wait, and hope my daughter and her daughter are healthy and safe. Like her son is.Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-35951829449310785822009-12-21T21:02:00.003-06:002010-09-03T16:49:37.055-05:00Discharged from Hospital This EveningIt's been quite a ride... Landon was released sometime between 4-5:30pm - since it is the other grandparent's visitation time, he went home with them. Unfortunately, I doubt I'll have any other info until Friday when we get him back. I didn't even know he'd been discharged until I called at 5:30pm to see if the Dr. had been back to check on him. I had asked them to call me. They were already headed home. Kind of frustrating, that. I'll have to assume that no news is good news.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj750J2ONhiPayHU66X8rdcYZ-LcowMcJaRwZT4FxPw9xpSxj3saY3dvTsFEGwOnyIUs2T0_6K7S33M3L_1M7GEi6Y8GcG0C-SX8z5ca6vw0xFZVRMzwZcBcdvIf5q_ulk7DE8q7lGqzv8/s1600-h/Dec+21+2009+006.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj750J2ONhiPayHU66X8rdcYZ-LcowMcJaRwZT4FxPw9xpSxj3saY3dvTsFEGwOnyIUs2T0_6K7S33M3L_1M7GEi6Y8GcG0C-SX8z5ca6vw0xFZVRMzwZcBcdvIf5q_ulk7DE8q7lGqzv8/s320/Dec+21+2009+006.JPG" /></a>I was there until about 2pm today - we had expected him to be released this morning, but the Dr was concerned because his breathing was still a bit fast and shallow and so wanted him to stay a bit longer and said that she'd come back by later in the day to see how he was.<br />
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Landon sure was ready to go - he had had enough of hospitals! He did get a special visit from some of the Dallas Cowboys and one of the cheerleaders. It is nice that they take the time to visit the children. Landon will be proud of the pictures and autographs one day, I am sure - but at the time he was still pretty wary of anyone he didn't know that came into his hospital room.<br />
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Of special note, I want to thank Nurse Audra for her care of Landon - everyone was great, but she stood out, as did Amy at Baylor ER... And the people I work for and with, it sure helps having supportive employers and colleagues.<br />
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And you guys here... Thanks for the verbal hand-holding and prayers :-)Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-59182776018718413692009-12-19T10:44:00.008-06:002010-09-03T16:51:34.098-05:00Update on the Little Patient***Update Sunday: Landon isn't going home today - hopefully tomorrow - He is feeling MUCH better, but he still has to make it through the night without oxygen, and it didn't happen last night. He did get his IV disconnected - the stint is still in place, but no more IV tube to trip us up***<br />
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Thank you SO much for the thoughts and prayers.<br />
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The other grandparents stayed with him last night so that we could catch up on sleep - It's been tough, days a blur - but the toughest time has of course been had by Landon.<br />
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We spoke this morning with The other grandfather - Landon is off of oxygen, which is GREAT news - what they need to see is him going through the night without the oxygen, and then that extending through his waking hours - so far, so good. He was still on IV Fluids - but when we left last night he was drinking juice and was more himself than he's been in a few days - fiesty enough to wreak a tangled havoc on all of the tubes...<br />
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Anytime a new unknown person walked into his room yesterday. he burst into tears - certain that they were coming to "hurt" him, I guess... the only treatments that he seems to like are the breathing treatments and the "percussions" when a respitory therapist pounds on his back with a little soft cuppy thing to help break up mucous. The first time we saw that, it was like "Holy Cow! Now they have to beat him, too!" - lol - it looks and sounds like he's getting some stout blows... but the PT took my arm and pounded it with the "precussor" and, yeah, very soft. Whew.<br />
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We were called by his new day school on Tuesday because he had a fever and so went and picked him up... he seemed fine, and happy to get a day off - just a slight cough... the fever responded to ibuprofen. On Wednesday morning we took him to his pediatrician, and we were quite shocked that the Dr felt that he either had a slight pneumonia or bronchitis... a stout antibiotic and nebulizer treatments were prescribed (along with rx for pacy) - and signs to watch for that would indicate we bring him back to the office.<br />
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Thursday night at 8:30pm, he woke up from a 2 hour nap with fever that didn't respond to medicine, and hiss breathing was labored - we headed for the ER... They took him back immediately. A few hours later we got results that he tested positive for <a href="http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/971488-overview">RSV</a> - According to my research, he doesn't exactly fit the profile of children typically hospitalized - but no one at hospital seemed surprised... They said it is one of the worst cases they have seen :-(<br />
We are headed back to the hospital now - More later. In the montage below - it starts at home with him getting the prescribed breathing treatments after pediatrician visit Wednesday - Our youngest Daughter M has been a life-saver - and beside Landon every step of the way since birth - she plans on being a pulminologist, and was familiar with breathing treatments, etc due to her own asthma... he liked the treatments and even fell asleep during them - Another big support has been our oldest son, "Uncle Bubba" who is a pharmacist and has helped us understand what's going on with the little guy, the treatments, and etc.<br />
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Landon is surrounded by love.<br />
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<div><embed flashvars="&p=a0a2a1a5b2d4006f6aaa76&skin_id=701&host=http://www.onetruemedia.com" height="382" name="FLVPlayer" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" quality="high" salign="LT" scale="noscale" src="http://www.onetruemedia.com/share_view_player?p=a0a2a1a5b2d4006f6aaa76" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="408" wmode="transparent"></embed><br />
<div style="font: 12px/20px verdana, arial, sans-serif; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 15px; text-align: center; width: 408px;"><a href="http://www.onetruemedia.com/landing?&utm_source=emplay&utm_medium=txt4" style="text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">Make an on-line slideshow at <span style="text-decoration: underline;">www.OneTrueMedia.com</span></a></div></div>Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-34122749852942797282009-12-18T18:01:00.000-06:002009-12-18T18:01:18.189-06:00Landon Is In the HospitalJust a quick update. We took Landon to the ER last night at 9pm... he has been diagnosed with RSV... A very nasty virus I knew little about until yesterday.<br />
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He was admitted and got to ride in an ambulance to the Pediatric Unit of another Dallas Hospital at 2am.. Poor little guy. He's been poked and prodded (5-6 blown IV's) and the saddest thing of all is we just can't explain why to him. He's sleeping now, Thankfully. <br />
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Everyone is working together for Landon, I am so pleased to report. Please keep him in thoughts and prayers...Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-38043370846092584082009-12-14T19:28:00.003-06:002010-09-03T15:58:11.039-05:00I call her an AngelSometimes someone else says it all so well - Here it is -<br />
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<a href="http://daughterheroinaddictsmoms.blogspot.com/2009/12/what-junkie-mom-misses.html">What a Junkie Mom Misses</a><br />
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Thanks and Bless you, Fractal Mom, for the difference you make in your granddaughters' lives<br />
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Additional Lyrics by Janis Ian that move me:<br />
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For Dawn:<br />
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</i></div><i><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">When Angels Cry </span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">(Janis Ian) </span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Wait Your tired arms must rest</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Let this moment pass</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Wait until the morning</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Close your eyes and you will see</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">who you used to be</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">left without a warning</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Who knew one so big could grow so small</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Lighter than the writing on the wall </span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">When angels cry, can I stand by</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">When stones weep, can my heart sleep</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Wish I'd never heard, wish I'd never heard</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Wish I'd never heard</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">the power of a four letter word </span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">'Cause only love will matter in the end</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">for a woman or a man</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">What's the difference now</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Here we live with bottles</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">and needles and truth</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Here is your living proof</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">that death cannot be proud</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Some say it's a judgement on us all</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">I can't believe that God could be that small </span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">When angels cry, can I stand by</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">When stones weep, can my heart sleep</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Wish I'd never heard, wish I'd never heard</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Wish I'd never heard</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">the power of a four letter word </span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">If ever was a rose that longed to bloom</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">If ever was a heart that longed to fly</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">If ever was an angel, it was you</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">So close your eyes and say goodbye</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Goodbye </span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">When angels cry, I can't stand by</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">When stones weep, I can't sleep</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Guess I've finally learned</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Guess I've finally learned</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Yes, I've finally learned</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">that love is just a four letter word</span><br style="color: #d5a6bd;" /><span style="color: #d5a6bd;">Hope is just a four letter word</span></i>Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-44435471048348428902009-12-09T22:51:00.003-06:002010-09-03T15:59:28.108-05:00About a Boy and his PacyLandon was greeted by us eagerly and was happy to see us - and his pacy. "Mean grampy" (Cheri, I think you get credit for that one - lol) wasn't there... but that wasn't the point, really - He can take it or leave it as far as we are concerned. The baby, that is. That's the thing - there are plenty of no-no's and rules and they are very important because of safety. Then there are rules that we teach by example - sharing, playing nice, no hitting, respecting others, the golden rule, etc etc... We're not going to just make them up so we can be in control - sigh.<br />
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I want to say that I got an email from Landon's paternal Aunt, K, and we talked a good while. She would like readers of this blog to know that:<br />
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<div style="color: #a2c4c9;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i>"As the daughter of the "mean" grandpa, being sober my entire life, the mother of 3 beautiful boys, friend of the author of this blog, and aunt of "Baby Landon" as my boys call him, I would like to share that I have not seen a pacifier in Landon's mouth for several months. I personally only allowed my children to have a pacifier until the age of three months because I offered them the comfort they needed and refused to have to pay for the dental problems that may occur because of long term use. He is not under stress or dismay at my parents' house, in fact we spend many days as a family going to the park, shopping, playing outside, playing peek-a-boo, visiting family members in the area, watching "Winn Dixie", and many other family oriented activities. My parents are moral, ethical, CHRISTIAN, people ... We are not horrible people, just on the other side of the fence...."</i></span></div><br />
I would just like to re-iterate one more time then let it rest: What he did in yanking the pacifier out of Landon's mouth and how he did it and what he said and why <i><b>was wrong</b></i>. It happened. It's wrong for anyone to act that way. Clearly we disagree with their family view point on pacifiers, but not "just because" ... a member of their family works in a dentist's office, so maybe, just maybe, they will take the time to read and share what <a href="http://www.aapd.org/publications/brochures/tfphabits.asp">American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry has to say about pacifiers.</a><br />
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It's not really about what we grandparents think about pacifiers.<br />
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As far as being on the other side of "the fence", it reminds me of a line I read once: "I shall never see a castle without thinking of how stong we could have been had we had built the walls around us, rather than between..." That was more communication about Landon from anyone on the paternal side that we've had since he was born. I've known K since she was 16 and best friends with my oldest daughter and called me "mom", and though we haven't always agreed, I care for her very much. She's in a tough spot, and I appreciate her stepping over that fence.<br />
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We actually have much in common, our two families; most importantly Landon and his expected sister... and the heartache of an addicted and loved child, sister, brother...<br />
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In fact, I did my best to explain to K that this blog is my place for processing my thoughts and feelings, and spreading my own testament to the pain and confusion of loving an addict... and the people who I link to here and who commented on my last post are loving people who would just as soon help her father rather than knock him down for the pain he and her mother have also gone through as parents of addicts - BUT - In many ways, it's like a no BS zone, too... one lesson I think we've all learned is one of the first steps in truly helping our addicts recover is letting go of some of our own destructive and defeating thought processes and controlling behaviors.<br />
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You know - It took me a while to get used to the idea of placing newborns on their backs to sleep - But I did it anyway. I may not ever get over how contrary that is to the way newborns were placed on their tummies when my children were babies, and how right that was, then.<br />
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Moving forward.Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7127114463030844612.post-92068333184867284922009-12-05T12:37:00.009-06:002010-09-03T16:00:22.534-05:00Babies suck sometimes...and so do adults<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVR9sgp2kP48hfvHXGFj19lnZmbhitLD7bS-F0-7q0UEcVsKW2hg7osK9YMIiTcxhdOHcy9ALe8XESvxr0PVIjjgdqas_Qfg7dHnqK1FCryfe6DyK13xEOQVYCaG2Nz2ZIEVECjIjexcs/s1600-h/pacy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVR9sgp2kP48hfvHXGFj19lnZmbhitLD7bS-F0-7q0UEcVsKW2hg7osK9YMIiTcxhdOHcy9ALe8XESvxr0PVIjjgdqas_Qfg7dHnqK1FCryfe6DyK13xEOQVYCaG2Nz2ZIEVECjIjexcs/s320/pacy.jpg" /></a></div>So far, a routine in all of our lives for over a year has been the regular meetings with the other grand-parents to exchange Landon for their visitations... every 1st 3rd and 5th weekend. I really believe it's been harder on us than on Landon... but the last few times he's seemed a bit like "uh, wait..." - just a flicker of concern. Maybe my imagination. In any event, we make it as easy on him as possible - we act positive and matter of fact, and all goes pretty smoothly.<br />
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Well, the last time, not so much. Landon had had a hard week, a schedule disrupted by holiday travel, new childcare arrangements, and the day before the "exchange", 3 shots on a well-baby visit. He was in a pretty good mood though, as we drove the 30 minutes to the McDonald's that is the 1/2 way point where we meet the other grand-parents.<br />
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The other grand-father walked over to the door of our van where Norm was getting him out of his car seat. <a href="http://50goingon25.blogspot.com/2009/12/what-jerk.html%20">Norm</a> lifted him out and was making polite small talk, and about to hand Landon over when the other grand-father reached up and yanked Landon's pacifier violently out of his mouth and threw it into our van, with some comment about "that damned thing out of his mouth..." - I was in shock. Landon's face crumpled and he started wailing... and the other grand-father took him from Norm and walked away to his car. It took great restraint on our part not to react, which would have only made the situation harder for Landon. <br />
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I hope that Landon got over it quickly - I know that we did not. It was a senseless and cruel thing to do, and blatantly disrespectful to Landon and to us.<br />
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We had heard that they do not allow Landon to have a pacifier when he is with them - we heard third hand, of course, they have never discussed it with us... so far there have been no issues about it. But what he did really pissed me off. It wasn't too hard to imagine him telling Landon gruffly to quit acting like a baby and be a man.<br />
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Whether it was an act of meanness or just ignorance, it highlights our concerns exactly... Not that the other grand-parents would intentionally cause harm to Landon, but the fact that they are so close-minded and inflexible in their beliefs, and so disrespectful of others. <br />
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When Landon was born, and my daughter was still in the hospital, I remember "the boyfriend" taking the pacifier out of newborn Landon's mouth and tossing it aside, spouting his opinion that it was bad. A heroin addict who had already lost 4 children to CPS. Nice. <br />
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Landon's enjoyment of his "pacy" is the least of our concerns, then and now.Athenahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14824831201121143893noreply@blogger.com23