The "Hot Stove" Rule

I was reading a fellow parents blog, and a recent topic was boundaries, and setting them , and then, most importantly, following through. It is one of the hardest things about loving an addict. It reminded me of an article that I find helpful in many aspects of my life - I thought I would share

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Passing it Forward...

Things are relatively calm here. Well, no addict drama anyway - still no call from daughter - I did get notified by vines that she has an upcoming jury trial for her possession charge. I've said it before, but again, it is so surreal that I am praying for her to return to jail.

Other than that, we live life, and it's a good one. The best nanny in the world is on vacation, and we miss her terribly! Had "Camp Grammy" last week with my 3 other grandsons and their mom, my oldest daughter. Fun, chaotic, exhausting... Life. It also helps to have such a wonderful, supportive husband to laugh about it with. That's him, welcoming Baby to this life almost a year ago. The foundation is unsinkable. Life. Love. Clarity.

Baby will be 1 year old on the 24th - incredible journey, this past year - and the comments and prayers and positive thoughts did, do, and will always be such a gift. I find my self thinking of you all often. I may not comment regularly, but I'm here, and following, and in awe of you all.

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Baby Steps

Baby is walking ! :-)

I have still not had a call or letter from his mom, my daughter, since she got out of Jail in May...

I saw her ONCE - when we went to meet the "boyfriend's" parents to exchange Baby for their visit - 3 weeks after she was released from jail... She was with them! It made me physically ill to see her, with them - she did not look healthy. I really had nothing to say to her - especially not in front of them... For days I felt so insulted, and viewed it as calculating on all of their parts to hurt me - but I have come to believe that the truth is, in this case, they simply do not think about me or my husband, or really anyone but their Big Addicted Baby.

The other Grandfather made a very suprising gesture last week - He had 5 cans of baby formula that *we* pay $25 a can for... asked if we could use them. NEVER have they offered to help with diapers, formula, etc... We said "Sure" and "Thank you!" and asked how he came about this windfall. The answer? "Well, we get it through medicaid, and it's about to expire - He's almost a year old now"

SO TYPICAL. How thoughtful of them. I forgot they lied from day one and said he lived with them. Nice.

Alas - Life goes on.

I found this recently - Heroin Alert - Erin's Story

Did I mention that I HATE HEROIN?

Goodnight Moon

Baby is back here with us...

Did I over-react? No. His parents are addicts and the other grandparents do not know how to say no to them, but will go to great lengths to cover up.

Not sure what happened, except they bailed my daughter out so she could be with their son - we were scheduled to pick the baby up tonight at 7:30pm - The other grandmother called about 11 am to ask if we could meet their daughter at 12:30pm to get the baby - supposedly grandpa wasn't feeling well. Maybe they realized they'd been conned - I don't know. My daughter hasn't called me, still. Which is fine. Her actions speak pretty clearly. She was straight, in jail anyway, and still manipulating anyone who will let her.

Fractal mom is right... what I want for my daughter and what I can actually do for my daughter right now don't seem to have much in common, except where not "playing" the game, not "saving" her, not enabling her, and keeping Baby safe are the right things to do.

As the World Turns and Stars Align...

I feel quite nauseous.

I knew "boyfriend" got released from jail last week... and just got notice from Vines Link that my daughter got bailed out today. The baby is at the other grandparent's house, in the county where they both are, together... "Boyfriend" was spotted there the other day.

Pretty sure they, the other grandparents, bailed her out. No one else is that careless, or can afford it.

I just feel sick. She's not ready. I hate them.

I Think This Just About Covers Us Moms...

I'm not sure who the Author of this is... But I bet it was a Mom...

Happy Mothers Day My Friends

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A brief glimpse - a flashback - a question

Today it seems important to share this. My daughter long has had a phrase she felt was important: "If Not Now, When?" - We've talked about it recently, she's reminding herself. It's been SUCH a long journey, and she has left so many people hurting in her wake - but no one more so than herself. I just had to write to her in jail that her grandmother passed away on Thursday. They were so close - except my daughter hasn't seen her in 2 years. I think she thought, if she thought at all, that she would always be there, waiting.

In her last letter, my daughter asked me to tell her grandmother that she loved her and was sorry that she let her down and hasn't been there for her. I believe her grandmother heard those words the day before she passed away, as I read them to her.

Anyway - This is from my daughter's blog - in September of 2007. I wish I could share it with HER right now - and remind her once more... If not now, when?

The video is a compilation of her and family and friends, set to two of her favorite songs... she's the little one with long dark hair, blue bandana, sweet smile & cocky attitude. My baby. The video won't stay up long - just a glimpse of real people, her life.

Below it is a blog she posted 4-5 months after we found out about the heroin in 2007... a year before her son was born to addicted parents

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