Monday, January 12, 2009

Incognito



Not really - I just thought this was a fun picture... He's an adorable baby - so happy and sweet and blissfully unaware of any drama concerning him. Thankfully.

And, there really has been little drama, except the normal craziness of raising a 6 month old while also trying to work, etc... My husband and I both started new jobs in August, shortly after bringing Baby home. Last month we both got big validations - I was promoted to supervisor, and Husband got a HUGE bonus. It is so ironic that we have accomplished these things despite a custody case and a new babe in the house - makes us just a little unsympathetic to the complete apathy of this precious babe's parents, you know?

I got several cryptic phone calls this weekend - My daughter is back in jail. She was apparently arrested on the 7th for shoplifting - from the brief 60 sec "freebie" conversation I had with her Saturday, "boyfriend" was supposed to be "getting her out" - I guess she only called me because that hasn't happened yet. BIG Surprise.

There is apparently a service where I can put money on an account so that she can call me collect - I did it once, a loooong time ago - apparently that has been depleted on her other jail visits - and I'm not doing it again. $50 minimum. It is quite amazing how creative and resourceful she can be - she has a system where she calls me collect, and instead of saying her name, she says "Call "boyfriend" and tell him where I am", or something like that...
I was slow to catch on - apparently I was supposed to answer calls from this number with a quick message for her, instead of answering with "Hello?" - the last collect call on Saturday night I had a "collect call from 'MOM! Say yes or no! I'll call you back in 30 minutes'" - Sigh. She never called back, and it's too bad, cause I finally understood, and would have liked to have answered with "Of course I haven't heard from him" -

It is mind-boggling how resourceful they can be to ensure that they can have heroin, or to get out of jail - and I have no doubt she'll get herself out, like all of the other times. And I'm sure that shoplifting is how she shops - I bet she's good at it - only this time she got caught. She said she got caught stealing makeup cause she felt bad she couldn't afford to get her sister a birthday present... This is the list I found on the police report:

1 S $24.98 XBOX 360 GAME
1 R $24.98 XBOX 360 GAME
3 S $44.97 NINTENDO WII GAMES
3 R $44.97 NINTENDO WII GAMES
1 S $5.19 EYE PEN
1 R $5.19 EYE PEN
1 S $5.99 MAYBELLINE EYELINER
1 S $24.98 XBOX 360 GAME
1 R $24.98 XBOX 360 GAME
3 S $44.97 NINTENDO WII GAMES
3 R $44.97 NINTENDO WII GAMES
1 S $5.19 PHYFM EYEPEN
1 R $5.19 PHYFM EYEPEN
1 S $5.99 MAYBELINE EYELINER
1 R $5.99 MAYBELINE EYELINER
1 S $7.99 MAYBELINE LIPGLOSS
1 R $7.99 MAYBELINE LIPGLOSS
1 S $4.69 MAYBELINE EYESHADOW
1 R $4.69 MAYBELINE EYESHADOW
1 R $5.99 MAYBELLINE EYELINER
1 S $4.69 MAYBELLINE EYESHADOW
1 R $4.69 MAYBELLINE EYESHADOW
1 S $7.99 MAYBELLINE LIPGLOSS
1 R $7.99 MAYBELLINE LIPGLOSS

It makes me sad, the partial truth of this. What her big sister wants more than anything in the world is for her to NOT STEAL, to go to rehab, to at least try. Here's an irrational emotion: I'm kind of mad that there was no baby formula, or baby clothes, etc on this list. She didn't even send him a card for Christmas. But one of the things she said over and over when I saw her in November was "No one can love & care for my son as much as I do"

My daughter's public defender called me this morning - I understand that my daughter has a right to legal counsel, but the revolving door is so frustrating. The attorney wanted confirmation that she lives with me and is trying to get back into school, etc... total BS, and I told her so - I told her the truth. I also told her of the felony heroin possession charge still pending in another county and asked if she could ask the judge to order rehab. The attorney was dismayed, but made it clear she would not be bringing this stuff up because her job is to "help" my daughter. She said I was free to come to court in the morning and tell the judge the truth and that she needed court appointed re-hab... But I AM NOT free to do that. I have a job and a 5 month old to take care of.

Very Very frustrating.

The "boyfriend's" father had a heart attack weekend after Christmas, when the baby was out of town with them for a weekend visit. We went and got the baby at the hospital of course... They ended up doing open heart surgery and he is slowly recovering from that now. NO ONE has seen daughter and "boyfriend" since before Thanksgiving. Well, she came over the night of the heart attack to get a $100 visa gift card out of her Christmas stocking so that she and boyfriend could go to see his father. They never made it to the hospital.

Well - there's the update. The random interruptions of a heroin addict into the lives of those that love them.

11 comments:

Laura said...

Beautiful, blessed boy to have you and hubby with him.

Since you are working and can't get to the trial, a letter to the judge sent now might be helpful. Hopefully they will see the severity of the child's welfare. I did that once pleading with them to keep Cliff and put him into a rehab. It was a brief solution but a bit more respite and time away for me, if nothing else.

You're often in my thoughts and prayers.

Laura

Annette said...

Wow, you are a strong woman! That little sweet baby is lucky to have you. I like Laura's suggesstion of the letter to the judge too. I felt my own panic rise a bit in my throat at the thought of you not being able to talk to the judge....I know, very codependent of me. But its a chance at sobriety! I hate to see it passed by ;o) Anyway, I am in awe.

Fractalmom said...

eh? I wouldn't bother with the letter. but hey, ya know how I am.

I'm glad the other grand had a heart attack. now maybe they will leave you guys and landon alone LOL.

more later. i miss ya!!

mother of drug addict said...

I did the letter to the Judge and am waiting to see what will happen, and as far as putting money in an account for them to call you if it is not used in 30-60 days(?) it is lost. it is really a racket but its better than giving them a calling card to call whomever they choose.

I wish you good luck wih Landon and hope all works out for the best.

sydney_savage said...

I would be so hesitant to ever let that girl see her child again. Please please please protect that child.

Fractalmom said...

not to worry Syd...that's what keeps getting me and ppl like Athena in trbl. We are ALL about protecting the kids from their idiot mothers who also happen to be our grown children.

Athena said...

Thanks all, for the comments...

Well, she is out on bail already - I haven't spoken with her, and doubt she'll be calling. There is a website where I am able to register with when she is in jail and I am notified when her sustody status changes - if you guys are interested in seeing if your area is covered, the website is

https://www.vinelink.com/vinelink/initMap.do

But, I think I'll write to the judge, anyway... Thanks Laura, Annette & MODA ((hugs))

Sydney - no worries... ((hugs))

Fractal - LOL, you remember well what the man put us through... but I can't feel happy that someone is suffering, else I'd be no better than he was... However, I am not complaining that they likely won't be having visits with the babe any time soon ;-) ((hugs))

Fractalmom said...

At the risk of, well, being myself ROFLMAO.....

Until they actually SUFFER, they won't ever learn, or break out of the addiction circle. Course, some of them just succumb to the addiction in spite of consequences.

I hope and pray that your daughter is not one of them, but honestly? don't hold your breath.

I know, I sound so harsh. But in looking back, I realize that all the help we thought we were giving my daughter was in fact, useless.

She must suffer the consequences of her actions, and asking any judge for leniency is futile. Asking a judge to court order rehab is also futile. Oh, they can make her go, and she will go, but until the day comes when SHE is ready to give up heroin and the whole lifestyle, it is all futile. She won't give it up until SHE is ready to, and at that point, SHE will do it regardless of the obstacles put in front of her, regardless of how hard it is, regardless of whether anyone (by then) gives two shits about her.

If all it took was love, and court ordered rehab, none of us would be here.

Still, I will pray for all of you, her included.

Love ya and wish you didn't have to have this happen.

Losing your baby girl to King Heroin is horrid.

Athena said...

Agreed - Horrid.

At the risk of being myself - lol:

I have no intent of asking a judge for leniency - What is more lenient than the revolving door that she's been in and out of all year? She isn't learning anything there, either: Do the crime, pay the fine, do it again... ad nauseum

May not make one bit of difference, but I don't think it'll hurt, either, and so will write to the judge :-)

pat said...

The only thing that comes to my mind after reading this is "keep that little child" out of that chaos called "your daughter & her boyfriend". Your daughter is a very very sick girl who can only help herself. Even if the rehab was court ordered does not mean she would comply. She must be willing and that is the most difficult frustrating part. I send my love to your precious baby.

Athena said...

Again - No worries there Pat - Anything I do at this point is not with the goal of my daughter being "Mom" to Landon... The trust issues are incredible, and even if she had a miraculous change of heart and recovery, we are talking YEARS before I would believe it and trust her alone in *my house*, let alone with this child... there are so many things wrong, besides the heroin. ((hugs))