Monday, August 19, 2013

Prayers and positive vibes needed

All - can you please include us in your prayers and pass the request to any prayer group you are aware of?  I cannot elaborate here, but I feel that he is possible danger, his emotional well being and security at risk. We have a court hearing on Wednesday, and our prayer is that the right decision is made to keep both Landon and his Sweet sister safe aand secure now and in the future

Thank you in advance



Friday, May 3, 2013

The Long and Winding Journey

My daughter is now in the TDCJ system again - she was in County jail for so long - it seems like almost 9 months.  I never got the full story of what happened, but it clearly traced back to the wrong people and drugs. Sigh.

We are in touch via writing - and while she was in county we spoke on the phone at least monthly. I love her, I miss her, and I hope that one day she will be able to stay clean unrelated to being in jail. I haven't talked to her since she was moved to Gatesville, but do have her ID and sent her some funds and a note on Jpay.

She is an incredible person when straight - works so hard - but besides the drugs, so far she is addicted to really poor choices in her male company.

Landon will be 5 in July - Kaylee turned 3 in February. They are amazingly beautiful and intelligent and loving children.  The irony of this dreadful addiction.  Kaylee now comes and spends time with us at least once a month. They are both a joy and amazingly exhausting!  We are reaching a fork in the road soon, with Landon needing to be enrolled in public school next year for Kindergarten.  The current visitation schedule will need to be modified, and I am praying that the other grandparents will not dispute him staying here with us for the school year. Right now he goes and spends a week with them every third month.

We all do get along better than we did when Landon was born - the two sets of grandparents have been the only constants for these kiddos.  It seems to be best to have Landon with us and Kaylee with them - Financially, energy-wise, and because it is what they are used to.

Amanda will need a place to parole to - I am researching half-way houses and options. Any suggestions?

How are all of YOU?

Monday, October 15, 2012

The Good and the Bad

Geez, it's been a long time! And I never did fix the pictures I tried to post the last time from my iphone, so I am posting some new ones here.

Not much to say, except it's been very much like a winding road - My daughter was doing well; she did go to rehab, but once out went back to doing things "her way" - and for a while, it was ok. She had a job and got promoted even - she was a good mother to Kaylee and visited with Landon when she could... the "boyfriend" was in jail for much of the time.

But the last few months she's fallen behind. A new boyfriend - guess I can call him BF2 - and meth. and guns. Lovely lovely. All coalesced into an arrest this weekend - that's the short of it.

Her OB/GYN called trying to get a hold of her today - a health matter - no idea beyond that... I have concerns that you can very well imagine. Maybe this time I am wrong and I hope that I am.

So - The Good:



Landon - A healthy happy 4 year old - Four. Years. Old. :-)


Kaylee - A beautiful, healthy 2 year old.  Not so good: She sure is confused and misses her mama. I am very upset at my daughter for putting anyone before her children. (We don't get to spend much time with Kaylee - we generally see her only when we transfer Landon with his other grand-parents;  Amanda signed custody of Kaylee to them while she was in jail around June on 2010 - I am sure there is a blog post from that period on here somewhere. We didn't know about the custody arrangement at the time - we found out last summer. The other grandparents take good care of her, and are protective of her as far as the adults who have let these children down so far, from what I can tell.  What's hard is Kaylee is old enough to know Landon's routine and wants to come with us when Landon does, and she's just too little to try to understand why she can't - That makes her and me sad. We've discussed with the other grandparents, going forward, letting her come stay with us at least one weekend a month - when she's ready. Right now she never knows where she'll be or who she'll be with, and that is very hard on her.) We did have her for a weekend in late July, and that is when the below picture was taken - she's holding a purple "kitty" that I knit for her ...


I have had an odd "crafty" journey since last Christmas when Norm bought me some foot jewelry that got me interested in "beading" - I amassed quite a lot of supplies, but so far not too many finished projects - I've learned a lot, but thanks to the internet, learning to do the next step in a project tended to lead to other projects, etc etc until I ran accross an article about crocheting with beads - well. I never could figure out crochet, but tried again - I didn't get too far with crochet jewelry though, because: I learned to crochet!! Yarn and crochet hooks? I have them now! And... crocheting led to knitting which I KNEW I couldn't do - but what the heck... I had yarn, so tried and... I can KNIT!  Maybe it's because I am a grammy? I don't know - but what I do know that there is therapy for me in having this "busy-work" to keep my hands moving - and honestly, I think part of the allure is that yarn is something that I can control even if other areas seem out of whack. I think I'll be starting a blog about my craft journey - The name I am thinking of is: If I Can Do It You Can Too. No Seriously.


A few weeks ago I was back to crocheting, and trying to make a flat circle from memory - I accidentally crocheted a heart instead. And it made me smile.

Moving forward, one stich step at a time.

I hope you and yours are all well - I think of you all so often. Mine and Norm's jobs are going fine, another thing to be thankful for - Just busy busy busy busy. I don't have much time for blogging - I sure do *think* a lot though.

~hugs





Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Another Birthday, Continued Hope and Thanks-Giving

Yesterday, my daughter turned 22. Amazing. I am Thankful that she is still alive, and am grateful for a chance to see her today after so many months of "not knowing" - It is a gift to me each time I can hold her and tell her that I love her, and that I believe in her strength.

She seems to be at a fork in the road - she's been here before, yes - but for her birthday, as a gift, I am believing in her. While she was here she made a call to Nexus Recovery. They do not have a detox bed until possibly Wednesday, and a counselor will call her then. I pray she is still determined on Wednesday.

I also spoke with a kind soul, Doug Y.,  from the Dallas chapter of Heroin Anonymous; it just means so much when you get a call from somewhere like that and they are "real" - I felt the care in his voice, and it meant so much.

And then I read Cassie's blog and I cried.


I am doing this mobile, so not sure if I can add recent pictures of Landon until tomorrow... But I do have a video to share from last week. He is healthy and happy and a joy to all. I have recently seen Landon's "Sissy" Kaylee. She is staying with the other grandparents, and is healthy, sweet and sassy - much like her mother at that age (almost 2!) - She and Landon are very close and that is a joy to me.

I better go to bed - but on this special day I wanted to put forward some encouraging and loving words to my daughter. I hope you all are able to take the time this week to give thanks for the small gifts that surround us every day.


Sunday, July 31, 2011

Using Again... All The Signs are There

Landon turned 3 on the 24th... My, how time flies. He's doing great.

I haven't seen Amanda in a few weeks. For a while she was in touch,and brought Kaylee to see me. She looked good and her outlook was positive. My biggest concern was the fact that she had taken up 100% with "boyfriend" once he got out of jail. She was doing so well without him.

Those who have seen her regularly say she is using again. Her father, who she and "boyfriend" were living with, told me of paraphernalia found, and "using behavior." When confronted by him she did not deny it. In telling me this, he asked me not to say anything to Amanda, and I didn't. However, when we met the other grandparents soon after to exchange Landon, they also expressed concerns and felt the "kids" needed to be drug-tested. I told them what was told to me.

Ah - the drama starts again... The other grandparents told them to take a drug test or give them Kaylee, or else they would call CPS. End result is that Kaylee is with her grandparents. This much is encouraging.

I am haunted by this song and the senseless tragedy of Amy Winehouse's addiction. I was also moved by this tribute from Russell Brand and what he says about addiction


Amy Winehouse - Rehab by Henrietta-Aime-Fumer_Tv

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

My Daughter Is A Strong Woman

It's been so long since I've updated... My daughter is doing great, and I am thankful every day to be able to say that. Especially on this 100th anniversary of International Women's Day.

She has travelled a road that many do not survive, but I believe in her. In her strength, and goodness, and her desire to be a good mother. She's sober, and working hard. She is beautiful and healthy and smart. She is surrounded by family and love, and I know she can do anything she sets herself to do.

Today I feel the purpose of my blog has changed; I feel the story is an important one, though, so I'll keep it up. She's not quite sure how to take this blog - it certainly is my side of where we have been... After all of this time, she has grown from a child into a woman, and she finally understands I was never "fighting" her, I was "fighting" heroin. Perhaps one day my daughter will co-blog with me? We'll see. I have been inspired by so many others, and I hope she will be as well. She can be an inspiration, too.

Stay strong and don't give up... This community of parents has been a life-saver to me. I try to check in on all of my friends here; I'll try harder - because I truly do care.

One step at a time, moving forward...



Monday, November 22, 2010

Mom Stuff... and Wishing You All Safe Holidays

November 21st, My daughter turned 21.  It is so sad and ironic that when all of this started she was 17, and counting the days until she would be "free" of parental restrictions.

I have not heard from her, still.  I did find out that she can receive electronic messages and pictures via "jpay" while she is in state jail - and so I sent her a message and some pictures ... and even $20 for commissary - I can do that on her birthday...  It is always harder on her birthday... and Thanksgiving.
I would have written, but I am still not sure exactly what facility she is in - but Jpay only requires her State CID # - something like that... I am thankful I had some way to try to reach her on her Birthday.

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Happy Birthday, Honey. I am not sure you will get this in time, but I hope of course that you know I am thinking of you always, and especially so on your Birthday. I miss you every day, like I am sure you miss your children - that will never change. Your Birthday and Thanksgiving will never seem complete when you are not here. It's been so long.

I am sure there are reasons you have not written - I just want to be sure you know that no matter what, I love you. You are my baby.

Speaking of babies, Landon and Kaylee are doing very well. I have attached recent pictures of them, I hope that you get them. I do not have so many of Kaylee. I see her when we exchange Landon - she is always so sweet and if she's awake, she is smiling. Your sister brought her for the day not too long after you went to LS, and she was just starting to crawl... and very playful. The only thing was when she got sleepy, she was not very patient with regular back-patting or rocking. Finally, I took her to a quiet room without BOYS and tried to do what I imagined you might do. I held her to my chest and swayed side to side, and sang "silent night." She immediately relaxed, and let herself fall asleep in my arms. It may be a coincedence, but that is also what always worked with you when you were a baby.

Landon - well - what a talker! He is so smart, and funny. And SMART. He is weaning himself from his pacifier (his dada) - but still likes it when he goes to sleep. The other night when we wre getting ready for bed, he went in the playroom to get his dada while I was putting dishes up. He came running back looking upset and said "where's my dada?" (Yes, he talks that well!) - I told him it was in the playroom and he said it wasn't, so I went with him to show him - and he was right, it was not where I KNEW he had left it. I turned around & started looking thru his toys, and then he said "It's hid-in-ing!" - I followed him to the futon where he has pillows and stuffed animals, and had to laugh when he got a mischeivious look in his eyes and said "Theres it is! It was hid-in-ing!" and reached behind his monkey and pulled out his dada! He sure was proud of that joke, and I admit he got me good. :-)

These sweet children remind me so much of you, Amanda. So much. I have attached a picture of 1 - Landon at the park, 2- Pirate Landon on Halloween, 3- Landon asleep with "Buzz Woody" - his favorite movie is Toy Story 3... And 4 - Miss Kaylee taken recently in Terrell.

I hope you will write, Sweetheart, but if you don't, please know I am thinking about you, and worrying about you, and loving you.

I will never forget my cabbage patch baby born November 21st, 1989. I look forward to the day when we are together again on your birthday and the holidays. You have a family who loves you and misses you, and only wants all of the good things for you that you are capable of achieving. Stay strong. Keep moving forward. (I will also send some birthday money thru Jpay - I hope you can use it for some comforts. I wish it was a better birthday, Honey. It seems it will not get to you by Sunday, either, but I am sending it as soon as I finish this letter.
 
I  love you,
 
Mom







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I hope you all have a Wonderful, Thankful Holiday