It was an interesting Christmas - A good one, actually, in that I had the whole family here. Including my addicted one.
She called me on the 23rd, sick - she is 8 weeks pregnant and knows that she must quit using, and decided to quit. I have been very firm in the "tough love" department so far, and talked to her about getting treatment. She told me she just wanted to get off of it and then "get on with her life" - Typical addict logic, at least with her. Basically, she was starting to feel the withdrawal effects and wanted her mom. I repeated to her my stance, that I would get her to treatment - she turned that down and hung up.
After thinking about it, my husband and I decided that this might be an opportunity to get through to her that we didn't want to miss, so I called her back and she agreed to give me 7 days, without contact with her "boyfriend" who was supposedly also going through withdrawal. She agreed and we went to get her.
She was very sick -
I guess the best way to describe her symptoms is to comapre them with a severe stomach flu. Yeah. Not pleasant at all. At about midnight on Christmas eve she asked me to take her to the emergency room... she's been to the ER several times since she became addicted, and I now know that she was going through withdrawal then, too. I told her no, that she could do it - and reminded her that I had offered to get her medical help when she originally called and she turned that down. I had some prescription sedatives, and told her I would give her one to help her sleep IF she agreed to enter treatment first thing the day after Christmas ... and this time she agreed.
Maybe bribery seems wrong, but what isn't wrong about heroin?
She slept all through the night and into Christmas morning. We got her through the hard part and she was surrounded by family on Christmas day. She didn't interact too much, but I think she was glad to be here.
Yesterday morning I woke up early and made arrangements for her to enter a treatment facility that has a residential program for pregnant women, spoke with insurance company about out of network benefits, etc, etc, etc...
No suprise, but at the last minute, she balked and refused to go. She is gone now - the "boyfriend's" father came to get her, even though I called and asked him not to... I gave her and him the phone numbers of the treatment facility, where they assured me they had all of the info they'll need if she calls them. I have to say I was angry more than disappointed or hurt. I told her that I will not help her again unless she calls me FROM a treatment facility. I talked to her briefly tonight and she says she's still clean. Says she's bored, but proud of herself.
I wish I believed that it was that easy. I hope that her stubborn "independence" and desire to prove me wrong and her desire to have a healthy baby is stronger than the desire to please her "boyfriend" who has already lost children to CPS due to his addiction. I hate him, and I just don't get why she is where she is.
How does a beautiful, intelligent girl have absolutely zero self-esteem? What could I have done different?
She's my baby. Tough love, as far as not supporting her unless she is willing to get counseling/rehab is all I know to do NOW.