Monday, January 7, 2008

I just read “Candy” by Luke Davies – a novel about addiction that is very informative about the way heroin addicts think – also, for me, it was chilling in that one of the characters is a beautiful girl who falls in love the main protagonist, an older man who has used heroin for years – and he gets her hooked, also. The irrational thinking, especially about Candy’s pregnancy, seems very apropros to me and was enlightening in a way that I never hoped to need. Supposedly it is now or soon will be a movie - wonder if i'll watch it? I wonder if SHE'LL watch it.

Last I heard anything was on the eve of 12-27. I missed a call at 7pm from a nurse at a hospital in East Tx... The vm said "I just spoke with you about your daughter - she is being released now but doesn't have her cell phone and needs a ride".... Of course, I hadn't talked to anyone there. So I called the hospital and they were a bit confused, then embarrassed - earlier they had talked to her "boyfriend's" mom, and had been told that was the mother... they coouldn't tell me what she had been treated for, due to HIPPA laws. Sooo - that's the last I heard - she hasn't returned any calls or txt messages. Obviously he had her phone and car...

I have been keeping track of her cell phone records - as of New Years day there were several calls to local pawn shops.

I called the "boyfriend's" parents the other night and he said that they were both fine and asleep or "resting" - but I could tell from phone log that at least her phone was in dallas - sooooo. Nothing much I can do, except worry. It's a prepaid cell phone - out of talk time - am thinking of adding $10 just so I can keep track of who they are contacting, but I haven’t so far - I bought her the phone for her b-day, so that if she had an emergency she could call. I have quit putting money on the phone for voice calls, but I do pay 9.95 a month so that she can send and receive text messages… everyone who cares about her has txt messaging on their phones (Me, her dad, brother, sister) – I wish she felt the need to txt us, to really get help.


erinsav said...

I am a pretty empathetic person and when I read your posts I get filled with such sadness.

I know that rationally you are supposed to tell yourself that this is out of your control and you have to accept that there are some things you cannot change but I can see why you would want to do things like keep track of her calls and see where she is at.

I hope she contacts you soon so you can have peace of mind even if it only lasts for the amount of time that you are actually talking to her.

You make me want to hug my mom.

Athena said...

Erin - Oh, do hug your mom, if you can! You give me hope that one day my daughter will be hugging me again - sincerely.

You are empathetic - very. I am too... and, oddly enough, I am also very realistic.

She sent me a text earlier that she has a Dr appointment tomorrow - needed insurance info. I asked her to come by and she said she would, tho she probably wouldn't stay long... Better than phone records is to be able to lay my eyes on her and see how she looks and acts. Maybe I'll even get a hug, but prefunctional ones just aren't quite the same (smile)


kel said...

Hi Athena. I found your Blog through Pat over at A Child Lost. I too am the mother of an 18 year drug addict. Although heroin hadnt been his drug of choice to my knowlege, he overdosed last week on Morphine which I believe was really Heroin. Just wanted to send you some love and hugs and let you know you arent alone and from what I read you are doing everything right. Hang in there my friend, you aren't alone.


Jaqui said...

Erin - I got your blog from Pat also and it sounds alot like my sister's story. She is 25 and has been clean for about 60 days now. Which is great but we all know it can change in an instant.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Athena, I'm also (um, theoretically) a contributor on The Write Thought and thought I'd stop by. So sorry you are going through this. Knowing the history of addiction in my own family, I know that something like this could very well happen to my children and the thought terrifies me. Sounds like you are doing everything you need to. Hope you daughter is able to get the helps she needs. Hang in there.

thejunkyswife said...

I'm sorry you're struggling with this stuff. It's the first time I've found your site, but we've got a lot in common.