Hire me - it's ok :-)

As I have been sending out my resume and applying for a new job, it suddenly occurred to me that a prospective employer might search social media and etc... And end up here on my blog.

If so, I hope that they can see that my real life experiences that I write about here lend additional skills that add value:

Honesty

Integrity

Flexibility

Empathy

Leadership

Compassion

Persistence

Conflict management

So please, do not let the title of my blog scare you off - in fact, it could lead to an interesting interview!

Regards,

Athena

PS - my daughter and grandchildren are doing well!

Prayers and positive vibes needed

All - can you please include us in your prayers and pass the request to any prayer group you are aware of?  I cannot elaborate here, but I feel that he is in possible danger, his emotional well being and security at risk. We have a court hearing on Wednesday, and our prayer is that the right decision is made to keep both Landon and his Sweet sister safe aand secure now and in the future

Thank you in advance

The Long and Winding Journey

My daughter is now in the TDCJ system again - she was in County jail for so long - it seems like almost 9 months.  I never got the full story of what happened, but it clearly traced back to the wrong people and drugs. Sigh.

We are in touch via writing - and while she was in county we spoke on the phone at least monthly. I love her, I miss her, and I hope that one day she will be able to stay clean unrelated to being in jail. I haven't talked to her since she was moved to Gatesville, but do have her ID and sent her some funds and a note on Jpay.

She is an incredible person when straight - works so hard - but besides the drugs, so far she is addicted to really poor choices in her male company.

Landon will be 5 in July - Kaylee turned 3 in February. They are amazingly beautiful and intelligent and loving children.  The irony of this dreadful addiction.  Kaylee now comes and spends time with us at least once a month. They are both a joy and amazingly exhausting!  We are reaching a fork in the road soon, with Landon needing to be enrolled in public school next year for Kindergarten.  The current visitation schedule will need to be modified, and I am praying that the other grandparents will not dispute him staying here with us for the school year. Right now he goes and spends a week with them every third month.

We all do get along better than we did when Landon was born - the two sets of grandparents have been the only constants for these kiddos.  It seems to be best to have Landon with us and Kaylee with them - Financially, energy-wise, and because it is what they are used to.

Amanda will need a place to parole to - I am researching half-way houses and options. Any suggestions?

How are all of YOU?

The Good and the Bad

Geez, it's been a long time! And I never did fix the pictures I tried to post the last time from my iphone, so I am posting some new ones here.

Not much to say, except it's been very much like a winding road - My daughter was doing well; she did go to rehab, but once out went back to doing things "her way" - and for a while, it was ok. She had a job and got promoted even - she was a good mother to Kaylee and visited with Landon when she could... the "boyfriend" was in jail for much of the time.

But the last few months she's fallen behind. A new boyfriend - guess I can call him BF2 - and meth. and guns. Lovely lovely. All coalesced into an arrest this weekend - that's the short of it.

Her OB/GYN called trying to get a hold of her today - a health matter - no idea beyond that... I have concerns that you can very well imagine. Maybe this time I am wrong and I hope that I am.

So - The Good:



Landon - A healthy happy 4 year old - Four. Years. Old. :-)

Kaylee - A beautiful, healthy 2 year old.  Not so good: She sure is confused and misses her mama. I am very upset at my daughter for putting anyone before her children. (We don't get to spend much time with Kaylee - we generally see her only when we transfer Landon with his other grand-parents;  Amanda signed custody of Kaylee to them while she was in jail around June on 2010 - I am sure there is a blog post from that period on here somewhere. We didn't know about the custody arrangement at the time - we found out last summer. The other grandparents take good care of her, and are protective of her as far as the adults who have let these children down so far, from what I can tell.  What's hard is Kaylee is old enough to know Landon's routine and wants to come with us when Landon does, and she's just too little to try to understand why she can't - That makes her and me sad. We've discussed with the other grandparents, going forward, letting her come stay with us at least one weekend a month - when she's ready. Right now she never knows where she'll be or who she'll be with, and that is very hard on her.) We did have her for a weekend in late July, and that is when the below picture was taken - she's holding a purple "kitty" that I knit for her ...

I have had an odd "crafty" journey since last Christmas when Norm bought me some foot jewelry that got me interested in "beading" - I amassed quite a lot of supplies, but so far not too many finished projects - I've learned a lot, but thanks to the internet, learning to do the next step in a project tended to lead to other projects, etc etc until I ran accross an article about crocheting with beads - well. I never could figure out crochet, but tried again - I didn't get too far with crochet jewelry though, because: I learned to crochet!! Yarn and crochet hooks? I have them now! And... crocheting led to knitting which I KNEW I couldn't do - but what the heck... I had yarn, so tried and... I can KNIT!  Maybe it's because I am a grammy? I don't know - but what I do know that there is therapy for me in having this "busy-work" to keep my hands moving - and honestly, I think part of the allure is that yarn is something that I can control even if other areas seem out of whack. I think I'll be starting a blog about my craft journey - The name I am thinking of is: If I Can Do It You Can Too. No Seriously.



A few weeks ago I was back to crocheting, and trying to make a flat circle from memory - I accidentally crocheted a heart instead. And it made me smile.

Moving forward, one stich step at a time.

I hope you and yours are all well - I think of you all so often. Mine and Norm's jobs are going fine, another thing to be thankful for - Just busy busy busy busy. I don't have much time for blogging - I sure do *think* a lot though.

~hugs

Another Birthday, Continued Hope and Thanks-Giving

Yesterday, my daughter turned 22. Amazing. I am Thankful that she is still alive, and am grateful for a chance to see her today after so many months of "not knowing" - It is a gift to me each time I can hold her and tell her that I love her, and that I believe in her strength.

She seems to be at a fork in the road - she's been here before, yes - but for her birthday, as a gift, I am believing in her. While she was here she made a call to Nexus Recovery. They do not have a detox bed until possibly Wednesday, and a counselor will call her then. I pray she is still determined on Wednesday.

I also spoke with a kind soul, Doug Y.,  from the Dallas chapter of Heroin Anonymous; it just means so much when you get a call from somewhere like that and they are "real" - I felt the care in his voice, and it meant so much.

And then I read Cassie's blog and I cried.


I am doing this mobile, so not sure if I can add recent pictures of Landon until tomorrow... But I do have a video to share from last week. He is healthy and happy and a joy to all. I have recently seen Landon's "Sissy" Kaylee. She is staying with the other grandparents, and is healthy, sweet and sassy - much like her mother at that age (almost 2!) - She and Landon are very close and that is a joy to me.

I better go to bed - but on this special day I wanted to put forward some encouraging and loving words to my daughter. I hope you all are able to take the time this week to give thanks for the small gifts that surround us every day.

Using Again... All The Signs are There

Landon turned 3 on the 24th... My, how time flies. He's doing great.

I haven't seen Amanda in a few weeks. For a while she was in touch,and brought Kaylee to see me. She looked good and her outlook was positive. My biggest concern was the fact that she had taken up 100% with "boyfriend" once he got out of jail. She was doing so well without him.

Those who have seen her regularly say she is using again. Her father, who she and "boyfriend" were living with, told me of paraphernalia found, and "using behavior." When confronted by him she did not deny it. In telling me this, he asked me not to say anything to Amanda, and I didn't. However, when we met the other grandparents soon after to exchange Landon, they also expressed concerns and felt the "kids" needed to be drug-tested. I told them what was told to me.

Ah - the drama starts again... The other grandparents told them to take a drug test or give them Kaylee, or else they would call CPS. End result is that Kaylee is with her grandparents. This much is encouraging.

I am haunted by this song and the senseless tragedy of Amy Winehouse's addiction. I was also moved by this tribute from Russell Brand and what he says about addiction


Amy Winehouse - Rehab by Henrietta-Aime-Fumer_Tv

My Daughter Is A Strong Woman

It's been so long since I've updated... My daughter is doing great, and I am thankful every day to be able to say that. Especially on this 100th anniversary of International Women's Day.

She has travelled a road that many do not survive, but I believe in her. In her strength, and goodness, and her desire to be a good mother. She's sober, and working hard. She is beautiful and healthy and smart. She is surrounded by family and love, and I know she can do anything she sets herself to do.

Today I feel the purpose of my blog has changed; I feel the story is an important one, though, so I'll keep it up. She's not quite sure how to take this blog - it certainly is my side of where we have been... After all of this time, she has grown from a child into a woman, and she finally understands I was never "fighting" her, I was "fighting" heroin. Perhaps one day my daughter will co-blog with me? We'll see. I have been inspired by so many others, and I hope she will be as well. She can be an inspiration, too.

Stay strong and don't give up... This community of parents has been a life-saver to me. I try to check in on all of my friends here; I'll try harder - because I truly do care.

One step at a time, moving forward...

Mom Stuff... and Wishing You All Safe Holidays

November 21st, My daughter turned 21.  It is so sad and ironic that when all of this started she was 17, and counting the days until she would be "free" of parental restrictions.

I have not heard from her, still.  I did find out that she can receive electronic messages and pictures via "jpay" while she is in state jail - and so I sent her a message and some pictures ... and even $20 for commissary - I can do that on her birthday...  It is always harder on her birthday... and Thanksgiving.

I would have written, but I am still not sure exactly what facility she is in - but Jpay only requires her State CID # - something like that... I am thankful I had some way to try to reach her on her Birthday.

*****************************

Happy Birthday, Honey. I am not sure you will get this in time, but I hope of course that you know I am thinking of you always, and especially so on your Birthday. I miss you every day, like I am sure you miss your children - that will never change. Your Birthday and Thanksgiving will never seem complete when you are not here. It's been so long.

I am sure there are reasons you have not written - I just want to be sure you know that no matter what, I love you. You are my baby.

Speaking of babies, Landon and Kaylee are doing very well. I have attached recent pictures of them, I hope that you get them. I do not have so many of Kaylee. I see her when we exchange Landon - she is always so sweet and if she's awake, she is smiling. Your sister brought her for the day not too long after you went to LS, and she was just starting to crawl... and very playful. The only thing was when she got sleepy, she was not very patient with regular back-patting or rocking. Finally, I took her to a quiet room without BOYS and tried to do what I imagined you might do. I held her to my chest and swayed side to side, and sang "silent night." She immediately relaxed, and let herself fall asleep in my arms. It may be a coincedence, but that is also what always worked with you when you were a baby.

Landon - well - what a talker! He is so smart, and funny. And SMART. He is weaning himself from his pacifier (his dada) - but still likes it when he goes to sleep. The other night when we wre getting ready for bed, he went in the playroom to get his dada while I was putting dishes up. He came running back looking upset and said "where's my dada?" (Yes, he talks that well!) - I told him it was in the playroom and he said it wasn't, so I went with him to show him - and he was right, it was not where I KNEW he had left it. I turned around & started looking thru his toys, and then he said "It's hid-in-ing!" - I followed him to the futon where he has pillows and stuffed animals, and had to laugh when he got a mischeivious look in his eyes and said "Theres it is! It was hid-in-ing!" and reached behind his monkey and pulled out his dada! He sure was proud of that joke, and I admit he got me good. :-)

These sweet children remind me so much of you, Amanda. So much. I have attached a picture of 1 - Landon at the park, 2- Pirate Landon on Halloween, 3- Landon asleep with "Buzz Woody" - his favorite movie is Toy Story 3... And 4 - Miss Kaylee taken recently in Terrell.

I hope you will write, Sweetheart, but if you don't, please know I am thinking about you, and worrying about you, and loving you.

I will never forget my cabbage patch baby born November 21st, 1989. I look forward to the day when we are together again on your birthday and the holidays. You have a family who loves you and misses you, and only wants all of the good things for you that you are capable of achieving. Stay strong. Keep moving forward. (I will also send some birthday money thru Jpay - I hope you can use it for some comforts. I wish it was a better birthday, Honey. It seems it will not get to you by Sunday, either, but I am sending it as soon as I finish this letter.
 
I  love you,
 
Mom

*****************************


I hope you all have a Wonderful, Thankful Holiday

Quiet time... Not Likely

I have been waiting for some solitude to put in an update and do justice to the whole complicated situation. But, I don't really see any solitude or quiet moments of reflection in the near future... that is not a negative in many ways - the time away from the demands of my job is best spent with my husband and Landon and the children who are running the typical gamut of young adulthood... and, it is my pleasure to be involved in the "normal" madness.

We recently celebrated my eldest son's 30th birthday and his engagement to his long time girlfriend. Such a wonderful thing... enjoyed time spent with my 2nd eldest daughter, discussing her challenges with her pre-teen sons and her precocious 5 year old... 3rd eldest is preparing for deployment to Afghanistan and that makes time with him important... 4th eldest daughter has flown the nest and it is fascinating watching her balance work and "life" and how well she seems to be doing it... the youngest daughter is one of the most responsible young ladies I have ever met... not only taking classes and working, but also dedicated to Landon as much as any parent ever was dedicated to a child - she has been with him since day one, and actually we have to help her remember to make time for herself.

And then, there is our addicted one... my youngest, our second to youngest, the subject of this blog... (Norm and I each have three children from previous marriage.) She has been sentenced to State Jail for at least 6 months... she may also get additional time for heroin possession charge that she was on probation for out of different county. "Boyfriend" also got some state jail time - 8 months - for the endangerment to a child charge. Ironically, if he hadn't involved Kaylee in his get-away attempt, I think he'd probably be out again already. My daughter now has a longer rap sheet than he does. I really have difficulty wrapping my head around that. It is what it is...


CPS sent us a letter only last week, a form letter, thanking us for our interest and advising that they investigated the situation and found no basis for a case. Yes - Mom and Dad are both in jail, baby was involved in a crime, everything is OK! I can't really wrap my brain around that one either. Kaylee does seem to be ok for the time being - she is crawling now. We see her when we exchange Landon with the other grandparents, and my 2nd eldest daughter has brought her to visit a couple of times when she watched her for a day or a weekend.

I haven't heard a word from my daughter - unlike all other times, she has not written me even to ask for money. I have written her a couple of times just to let her know I love her and to send her the "Rescue this Child" poem. What else is there to say that hasn't been said in other letters to her in lock-up? It may finally be shame she is feeling - I know she bonded with Kaylee. I don't think it is my place right now to add to that... and if she isn't feeling remorse, what would be the point of communicating any other message? I think she probably wasn't using, except maybe started again shortly before the arrest in August. I have heard there was friction between her and "boyfriend" because he had been using... All I know for sure is she was arrested again - with him - and allowed her daughter to be put in harm's way.

I think I was almost hoping she would get out as in the past and have time with her daughter without "boyfriend" calling the shots - but really, it isn't just his influence on her. It's the whole situation and the decisions she has made - if not him, there is no reason at this point to think there would be anything to keep her from continuing to make poor decisions

And... Life goes on. It's not all bad, it's mostly good. And for now, I know where everyone is and that they are safe (relatively speaking.)

Landon is officially in his "terrible twos" ... meaning, he's hitting all of the landmarks and is doing well. Look at that face and that smile - Who needs solitude? Ok, Ok... anyway, when it's calm, we are usually sleeping :-)

Define "Best Interest of the Child"

Daughter and "boyfriend" remain in Dallas County Jail... CPS has no open case on Kaylee. She is with the other grand-parents still. They told me that Kaylee was "placed" with them, but CPS has told us that there has been no official placement.  We are at an impasse there -

I do not know all of the details, but my daughter's bond amount is now $150,000.00. Her recent theft charges are enhanced previous convictions and violation of probabtion. I don't think she will be getting out soon, but I have been wrong before.  The irony is that "Boyfriend's" total bond amount is less than $3500.00; $1500 of which is for the charge of Abandon/Endanger Child by Criminal Negligence. HE could be released any day.

Based on what I know, when arrested, "boyfriend" took off running with Kaylee in a carrier, tossed her across front seat of car and attempted a get away. Thankfully the officers on the scene stopped him. At some point he was "tazed." (I must admit that I would get great satisfaction if I could have seen that taser action. Sorry, but it's true.) THANK GOD for the quick actions of the Garland PD - I still get nauseous thinking what would have happened if a high chase pursuit had ensued with Kaylee in front seat, unsecured.

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Just When You Least Expect It ....

I swear, I was going to post something - something good. I swear it - and I had come THIS close to accepting that me blogging something positive would not "jinx" any thing... I guess I learned for sure that my daughter's situation happens whether I weigh in or not, or... or... Just thinking about writing something positive is enough to tilt the world on it's axis.

Truth is, I wanted to say I thought she was doing well - I have seen her a few times, briefly, when she has ridden along with the other grandparents when it was time to exchange Landon for his visits.  She looked good - I've seen more of Kaylee because my other daughter was babysitting her while A went to work. To Work! She was working - I was excited about that. So, when I have seen her she's looked  - well, like a tired mom. But what I have worried about is I haven't seen or heard much of anything about "the boyfriend" - and I still believe anyone who chooses his life chooses trouble. I would really like to be wrong about that.

Anyway - short of it is they are both in jail as of last Wednesday. Caught shoplifting is what my daughter told me when she finally called me because... well, because that's the only time I really hear from her.. and since no one got her out before she finally called me.  I will never get over how hard it is to take those calls. Anyway, she told me she hadn't talked to anyone. She was deperate to get out "cause I have to go to work" - I got off the phone, took a breath... then...

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Happy Belated Mother's Day

So many have checked in, and I apologize that I have not written much. We are well... I think of you all often, and I guess I am guilty of illogically feeling that I may jinx something by posting that, as far as I know, my daughter and her daughter are also well. I have been in touch with her by phone, tho I haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks. The last time I saw her was a "Landon exchange" with the other grandparents, and she had a Mother's Day gift for me. She looked good, looked tired, which is how most moms of a 2-3 month old babies look... I hear Kaylee is happy and healthy - she has been there also on a couple of  "exchanges", but not on any the past few weeks.

I want to share, for all  the Moms and Dads, really all who love an addict -  this beautiful and inspiring post by BMelonsLemonade:

Mothers

~Hugs~

Update

I apologize it's been so long since I updated...

Mom and babe are healthy... As predicted, I was only notified that my daughter had delivered the baby because she hemorrhaged and was taken back into surgery several hours after the birth - Thankfully, some who conspired to keep me in the dark understood that I deserved to know when my daughter's life was in the balance.  I don't think I need to explain the awfulness of the hour and 1/2 drive to the hospital praying that my daughter .... well ...

So - Thankfully, the following day she was out of ICU... I was focused on her and the baby and thankful.

On the 2nd day, after I went to the hospital again at my daughter's request, "boyfriend" - nice to my face - later threw a fit about me being there.  In the evening when several family members were there, a nurse came in and said the baby needed to go back to the nursery for tests, and suggested family members step out of the room while she talked to my daughter and "boyfriend"...

We went downstairs, and about 15 minutes later "boyfriend" called me on my cell, yelling that I was not welcome to come back, that my daughter did not want me there, etc etc... Apparently CPS was called, and naturally, it was all MY fault.

Long story short... all were tested. When results came back, all tested clean. My daughter is talking to me on the phone, and I saw the baby on Thursday when we met with the other grandparents to exchange Landon for his visitation with them this week.

Unfortunately, this time and the time before, Landon did not want to go...

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Introducing...

So far it's been a bumpy ride - My daughter has had complications following C-Section and is in ICU - Hopefully out of ICU today.  So this is just a quick update - more later.

We have talked, and she is looking forward to doing the right things and putting this baby first. The other grandmother and I have talked also and we will be ready as family to help the parents, as long as they are doing the right things and putting Kaylie first...

Little Miss Kaylie is doing fine - born 8:15 am yesterday morning:

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Plowing Ahead

No new news, except that I got a promotion at work ... and we got quite a lot of snow, which is unusual in this part of Texas... The next time that we have this much snow fall, Landon may have kids of his own!  He likes snow - very much... we have to spell it, S-N-O-W, unless we are prepared to take him out.

We have a nice park across the street from our house - I thought it would be fun for him to go for a walk, and he agreed - unfortunately, I envisioned the sidewalk that ambles around the park as a nice clear path through the snow. In reality we found about 5 foot of walk fairly clear, and on each side a treacherous path that a few intrepid dog owners had tracked through, leaving footprints that had crusted over with ice...

Of course, Landon was ready to plow ahead, blissfully unaware of the challenges of that path. We slipped through several yards before I decided we needed to turn back...

Daughter's "boyfriend" is out of jail as of last week. New baby due within 2 weeks. The other grandparents will have Landon for the third week of this month.  I wish the path ahead was clearer.

Moving Forward

The No-Drama Zone

Well - not much to tell, but here's an update...

I have seen my daughter twice - she got released from Dallas County shortly after my last post - we were out eating dinner and having a nice time and the phone rang - she was out, at a payphone - and supposedly couldn't reach anybody. It was one of the coldest nights of the year... I was about to go pick her up, but called the "others" first and they were already on their way to get her. Would have been very apropos if I had gone to get her and she was already on her way, with no one calling to tell me. Almost happened.

Anyway - I saw her the last two times we took Landon for exchange. She is very pregnant, looks ok. That's about all I know. I hugged her. She could care less, because, well, she's not in  jail.

She is only there when we are dropping Landon off, never when we pick him up.  She wrote and called me frequently from jail - nothing since she has been out, except that one cold night when she was covering her bases. Yeah, I know.

I did ask her and "boyfriend's" mother at points if she is still seeing the doctor she saw while in jail. Both said a hesitant yes. The "boyfriend's" mom last time told me no, then yes, but that they do NOT have a c-section date scheduled. They "don't know nothin'...  Ok. Fine. Whatever. I have a feeling I may find out about the birth after the fact, and likely not from daughter or "boyfriend's" family.  I have no idea where she is staying - supposedly with a "lady from church." IF that is true I can only imagine the whoppers that good Samaritan was told.

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Ad Vitam Paramus

**Update - she's out, released last night, [Thursday]**

So - She has been transferred to Dallas County.

She called me yesterday & last night and feels confident she will be out within a week. It would not surprise me.

The "boyfriend" is still in VZC; apparently he was indicted on a 2 yr old charge that he had.

My daughter said she was anxious to get out so she could "work on getting him released" ... With a baby due in (glances up) 50 days.

Sigh. Keep the prayers coming!

Keep Moving Forward [don't forget to look back]

It is mind-boggling to me when I look back to January 2008 and January 2009 .... and my friends, when I look back at where you were a year ago, or two... I wonder what this year will hold and what will we think when we look back in January 2011?

I am glad I don't have a crystal ball... without knowing any more than I do, all I can do is the best that I know to do. There is the potential for great things to happen tomorrow. There is the chance of great sadness, too. I will certainly grow wiser, and pray the education is not too steep; that what I learn is something that will pass along to my daughter one day, and something she will pass along to hers.

I am so thankful for my husband and family and friends. I am not unhappy - there is so much love and laughter...  I only wish my daughter was a willing part of it all, feeling it all, facing it all - with us.

Moving forward...

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500 Lb Gorilla in the Room

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Ours was very nice after all, after we got Landon home. He is full of his usual vim and vigor, chattering away, excited by life and glad to be home.  We have a new nickname for him: "Typhoid Landon"... Me, Norm and M all got his virus, and it's tenacious... No wonder he was so ill.

Well, having spent a bit of time in close quarters with the other grandparents, some things were re-assuring, such as his "mee-maw's" sweetness to him. Some things were concerning, some things confirmed, and most things status quo.  The weirdest thing of all to me is this: We are all gathered in a room, caring and worrying about this sweet child that we are responsible for because our children, his parents, are addicts and both are in jail ... and the fact that my daughter is 8 months pregnant, a new grandchild is on the way, was not discussed. De ja vous.

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Discharged from Hospital This Evening

It's been quite a ride... Landon was released sometime between 4-5:30pm - since it is the other grandparent's visitation time, he went home with them. Unfortunately, I doubt I'll have any other info until Friday when we get him back. I didn't even know he'd been discharged until I called at 5:30pm to see if the Dr. had been back to check on him. I had asked them to call me. They were already headed home. Kind of frustrating, that. I'll have to assume that no news is good news.

I was there until about 2pm today - we had expected him to be released this morning, but the Dr was concerned because his breathing was still a bit fast and shallow and so wanted him to stay a bit longer and said that she'd come back by later in the day to see how he was.

Landon sure was ready to go - he had had enough of hospitals! He did get a special visit from some of the Dallas Cowboys and one of the cheerleaders. It is nice that they take the time to visit the children. Landon will be proud of the pictures and autographs one day, I am sure - but at the time he was still pretty wary of anyone he didn't know that came into his hospital room.

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