I call her an Angel

Sometimes someone else says it all so well - Here it is -

What a Junkie Mom Misses

Thanks and Bless you, Fractal Mom, for the difference you make in your granddaughters' lives

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About a Boy and his Pacy

Landon was greeted by us eagerly and was happy to see us - and his pacy. "Mean grampy" (Cheri, I think you get credit for that one - lol) wasn't there... but that wasn't the point, really - He can take it or leave it as far as we are concerned. The baby, that is. That's the thing - there are plenty of no-no's and rules and they are very important because of safety. Then there are rules that we teach by example - sharing, playing nice, no hitting, respecting others, the golden rule, etc etc... We're not going to just make them up so we can be in control - sigh.

I want to say that I got an email from Landon's paternal Aunt, K, and we talked a good while. She would like readers of this blog to know that:

"As the daughter of the "mean" grandpa, being sober my entire life, the mother of 3 beautiful boys, friend of the author of this blog, and aunt of "Baby Landon" as my boys call him, I would like to share that I have not seen a pacifier in Landon's mouth for several months. I personally only allowed my children to have a pacifier until the age of three months because I offered them the comfort they needed and refused to have to pay for the dental problems that may occur because of long term use. He is not under stress or dismay at my parents' house, in fact we spend many days as a family going to the park, shopping, playing outside, playing peek-a-boo, visiting family members in the area, watching "Winn Dixie", and many other family oriented activities. My parents are moral, ethical, CHRISTIAN, people ... We are not horrible people, just on the other side of the fence...."

I would just like to re-iterate one more time then let it rest: What he did in yanking the pacifier out of Landon's mouth and how he did it and what he said and why was wrong. It happened. It's wrong for anyone to act that way. Clearly we disagree with their family view point on pacifiers, but not "just because" ... a member of their family works in a dentist's office, so maybe, just maybe, they will take the time to read and share what American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry has to say about pacifiers.

It's not really about what we grandparents think about pacifiers.

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Babies suck sometimes...and so do adults

So far, a routine in all of our lives for over a year has been the regular meetings with the other grand-parents to exchange Landon for their visitations... every 1st 3rd and 5th weekend.  I really believe it's been harder on us than on Landon... but the last few times he's seemed a bit like "uh, wait..." - just a flicker of concern. Maybe my imagination.  In any event, we make it as easy on him as possible - we act positive and matter of fact, and all goes pretty smoothly.

Well, the last time, not so much. Landon had had a hard week, a schedule disrupted by holiday travel, new childcare arrangements, and the day before the "exchange", 3 shots on a well-baby visit. He was in a pretty good mood though, as we drove the 30 minutes to the McDonald's that is the 1/2 way point where we meet the other grand-parents.

The other grand-father walked over to the door of our van where Norm was getting him out of his car seat. Norm lifted him out and was making polite small talk, and about to hand Landon over when the other grand-father reached up and yanked Landon's pacifier violently out of his mouth and threw it into our van, with some comment about "that damned thing out of his mouth..." - I was in shock. Landon's face crumpled and he started wailing... and the other grand-father took him from Norm and walked away to his car. It took great restraint on our part not to react, which would have only made the situation harder for Landon.

I hope that Landon got over it quickly - I know that we did not. It was a senseless and cruel thing to do, and blatantly disrespectful to Landon and to us.

We had heard that they do not allow Landon to have a pacifier when he is with them - we heard third hand, of course, they have never discussed it with us... so far there have been no issues about it. But what he did really pissed me off. It wasn't too hard to imagine him telling Landon gruffly to quit acting like a baby and be a man.

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Quick update

In a letter today, learned that my daughter has had a sonogram and she is healthy and the baby is healthy as well. She is 25 weeks, and the baby is a girl.

I don't know much more than that - she has spoken with a lawyer and is keeping her hopes up that she will be released before the baby is born, but I don't think that is realistic. She does seem to want us involved, either way.

Her due date is February 26, but a c-section is scheduled for Feb 19th, because of the c-section before. That seems like a blessing; the thought of her going into labor in jail is pretty awful. I hope at least this one "known" doesn't change.

Her spirits seem good overall, and she is getting good prenatal care, unlike last time. Her birthday is next weekend - she will be 20.

Landon is doing great - so smart - so funny. He's been very generous with hugs and kisses this week, and they are so sweet. Pictures tomorrow.

Have I mentioned my husband is amazing? His reaction to the news that it is a granddaughter on the way in February? "A girl... I am already crazy about her"

G'nite

Intricate as a Fugue

Wow - what a day. Sure miss servers when they are down! In the world of tech support, especially.

No news to report on the "situation" - I did get a long letter from daughter yesterday, though. Predictable, sad. She sure knows my buttons. I'll breathe deep before replying.  She did request another copy of "rescue this child" poem - I can do that, easily.

Syd's recent post about Beauty prompted me to share this poem here that I ran across in 2005 while husband and I were in the mountains of Texas, and that I have been thinking of lately:

Ars Poetica of a Desert Dweller:

Soon I'll be speeding

Through a cement-sliced canyon

towards wages and work, a steel key turning

In a steel lock, but first I

stop

on my way to the car

and kneel

the better to see a needle-misted cactus

among broken rocks

crowned by a ruby-petalled star

smaller than a fawn spot,

intricate as a fugue. Tiny Flower,

fleck of fire, beauty indifferent

to indifference, teach me.

~ Laura Long

Paradox Acknowledged

You may remember this post: Oh I Hope Not?

Apparently this is the case. My goodness, when it rains it pours... or it feels that way to me, in the current situation... Much of this has been going on over past few months, and I am only recently learning of it.

5 months pregnant and in jail again. Deja Vous. Chances are likely this child will be born in prison. I stand firm to the ideal that a child is born to responsible, drug-free, law-abiding parents. However, many wonderful people would not be here today is that was the reality. Do I love my daughter? Oh yes. Would I get her out of jail if I was financially able? No. Am I happy that my daughter is pregnant and in jail? No. Can I personally do anything about this current situation? No. Do I have a crystal ball? Obviously not.

Still processing the info - but I have to say again that I have the most beautiful and supportive husband. He doesn't process over-much - He faces life head on and helps me to do the same.

A new life deserves recognition and welcome - this child deserves all of the love and hopes and dreams and prayers that are typically bestowed upon an eagerly anticipated child, this is a firm belief, I have none other that contradict. I shall start making this child a baby blanket, as I did for it's brother.

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

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I Don't Know Much... in this case, that's a lot

Daughter has so far called me twice from jail - this is new - Not new that she is calling me now that she is in trouble, no no, that is the way it's been for past couple of years... but this time she is calling collect - at $9.99 a call - Can't keep that up - Geesh. Before, when she was in this county jail, she called me often, I guess from a guard's cell phone. She's obviously not a trustee these days.

The calls are hard, and I told her I can't accept anymore because of the expense. That's is true, but also because of the emotional toll. As a parent there is a certain tone of voice or cry that we do recognize as genuine hurt, or fear - and as parents, we want to console. And, I can't in this case. I also don't see any point in reminding her NOW that I haven't heard from her since the last time she was in jail and giving lectures... truly, any valid point I have to make does indeed sound like I am doing that. She tells me she was doing so good, was clean, etc, etc... All I know for sure was last I heard from her she was in jail, and now she is in jail again... It does seem to be true that she hasn't gone thru withdrawal like before. BUT - I also know thru others that she isn't telling me everything (obviously.) I truly cannot help her in any way - except to take care of her child.

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