Friday, October 2, 2009

How many more chances?

My day started out ok - But we all are now familiar with the random phone call that just knocks the breath out of us. I do not know how exactly, but I felt it building.

I am numb, maybe I shouldn't do this, but I feel as if the integrity of this blog is at stake if I do not share this now. As Lou so recently pointed out: "Their entire profile is on the internet at the department of corrections and the county court's website. Uhh, I don't think your blog is any big smear to her reputation."

Yes, yes, everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty - but just as true is the concept of guilt by association. The consequences of drug abuse and it's stereo-typical lifestyle cannot be trivialized.

My daughter and her "boyfriend", the parents of my grandson, the focus of this blog are still at large -
**Update: they were arrested Thursday night**

Also, I have apparently "offended" the other grandparents when I called to ask if we could change this weekend's visitation to next weekend, considering the circumstances with the parents "at large" and the severe weather. Their answer was no. So to make a bad day worse, we loaded baby up and drove 30 miles in a true deluge.

Yes, my heart is breaking and I am sick with worry & frustration. They did agree to "talk" about the situation... I did my best under the emotional strain of the day, along with my husband, both of us soaking wet in the back seat of their car - my husband wedged sideways between car door and carseat - to try to explain that it is not really that we don't trust them, but the fact that everything about the situation itself frightens us and it is my own daughter and their son we don't trust and:

youtoputbeforehisparentsaswehavedone, no offense

In a nutshell, the take-away I heard from them was


Ah. Yes - apparently I am the only one not allowed to be fallible. Too bad I'm not a fugitive from justice or an addict. Too bad that is all they read in my blog. Too sad, too.

Tears roll gently down,
As Athena lays down her shield;
Wisdom is over-ruled sometimes,
Off of the battlefield 
~ me


Dad and Mom said...

I am so sad to read this for you. Sometimes our children are lost in a way we cannot see. It is so hurtful for us because we care.

Your poor grandchild will be the one that hurts the most. But we know she has a loving grandparent.

Looks like it is the time the state is going to ease some of your burdens now. It will be hard on your daughter she has done this and you must find a way to rest.

Write anytime you need help.

Madison said...

To anyone chastising you for writing your emotions, come on now. Emotions run high and negative around the chaos caused by addiction. You are all doing the best you can in the middle of a nightmare resulting from the decisions of others. The enemy is the illness that has now taken over the lives of two young people - who are also living in hell. Bless you for helping the child.

Cat said...

my first reaction? I had to sit back and take a breath and I think I thought or I said, Damn.

My gut tells me that they have to want the best for thwir grandbaby as you do and to hold on to hope and trust until there is a reason not to any longer.

Your life sounds scary and stressful because things that are unknown to us often times bring fear to sure to take care of your needs and hold on to hope.



Gin said...

Oh Athena I am so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this entire situation is especially since the baby is envolved. I am sending you well wishes and hope that you will be able to find some peace. Take care of yourself.

Syd said...

It's a sad situation all around. I hope that you will take care of yourself. Keep the focus on you and not the runaways. It's hard to do but has helped me to stay sane.

Athena said...

Update - they My Daughter & her "BF" have been arrested. Yes, I can hopefully sleep now.

Thank you Mom and Dad - I mean to write another one later today, and again reference your "Caution" Blog

Madison & Cat - you are right, so right. But for the fact that we have this grandchild between us, the other grandparents are in the same place many of *us* are - they have an addicted son.

Unfortunately, they are so heavy into denial, and due to custody dispute a year ago, etc, etc they so far are not interested in team-work. I don't truly "hate" anyone. I HATE HEROIN.

One of the houses that was robbed was theirs(yet they say my daughter & their son are innocent, still) An investigator I talked to has described the group arrested as a "major crime ring" that has been under investigation for a while.

Gin & Syd - ((Hugs))

Her Big Sad said...

Oh no. As I read down the comments, I was kind of horrified to hear myself say "YES!!" when I read your update. Only parents of addicts understand that kind of relief. Your daughter is safe, alive and being given another chance to "get it". I hope so very much that you will be able to work with the other grandparents and meet them on common ground - you all love that beautiful baby boy so much - I will be praying for all and hope you will be able to find opportunities to take care of you and rest your hurting heart... Hang on to HOPE!

kristi said...

OMG, my sister found my blog and took from it that I said she was crazy. But I said so many more things, I wish she would have listened.

You are doing your best for the baby. You are hurting too. Too bad some people don't understand that.

By the way, I know I've told you before but I live in Kaufman.

Isle Dance said...

In this situation, everyone is in a living nightmare...and if one can't see that this blog is your way of finding support...then they can't see that it's your right to find support. They have just as much right to reach out for support in whatever way works for them. I'm so sorry for everyone.

Annette said...

Oh Athena. I am so sorry. I can imagine the fear, horror and heartbreak you are feeling right now. Who is ever ready for something like this or knows how to navigate it?? Using the word "hate" is so minuscule in comparison to the big picture. Take good care Love.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Hugging you from over here. I am glad you wrote about this and Lou was right about what we share here - anyone can log onto the computer and find out way more than we say on our blogs.

You have a right to express yourself and those that know you in person or through your blog know what a loving, wonderful grandparent you are (and your husband too).

Ugh. Heroin is so evil. I am going to go right my latest saga in a few :(

MEM said...

So much to deal with at once...I am sending you all my best wishes to carry on through all of this.

For me, sharing openly and honestly is the only thing that helps me sort out the tangle of emotions and thoughts that come with loving an addict. It's a healing thing to do, sharing. And your sharing has helped me--as I see you learn and grow, I learn how to do it better too.

It's sad that the other grandparents seem to want to focus on distractions instead of the best interests of the baby (and everyone else). Maybe someday they'll see things differently.

I'm grateful for your blog.

Lou said...

It feels inadequate to say I know that feeling of being kicked in the gut. I don't have a grandchild, I don't have to deal with anyone but my own family. But I do know the feeling of finding out where my child was by opening the local newspaper to the crime page. He had tried to outrun the police in a stolen car at 90 miles an hour, before crashing into a tree. He could easily have killed an innocent person.

Putting down your shield is the only way, I think, to get through this. You are vulnerable, hurt, fearful that the mistakes made can never be completely righted. How does your daughter, our sons, ever move on to a moral life after their actions on drugs?

You have to take care of yourself, tend to your marriage, your other children, and that precious grandson. Your daughter and boyfriend are looking at some serious time. Athena, don't "do the time" with her. Live your life, remember to laugh, find the joy. Do it for yourself and the other people who love you.