Tuesday, December 29, 2009

500 Lb Gorilla in the Room

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Ours was very nice after all, after we got Landon home. He is full of his usual vim and vigor, chattering away, excited by life and glad to be home.  We have a new nickname for him: "Typhoid Landon"... Me, Norm and M all got his virus, and it's tenacious... No wonder he was so ill.

Well, having spent a bit of time in close quarters with the other grandparents, some things were re-assuring, such as his "mee-maw's" sweetness to him. Some things were concerning, some things confirmed, and most things status quo.  The weirdest thing of all to me is this: We are all gathered in a room, caring and worrying about this sweet child that we are responsible for because our children, his parents, are addicts and both are in jail ... and the fact that my daughter is 8 months pregnant, a new grandchild is on the way, was not discussed. De ja vous.

Not for lack of trying on my part. I attempted several times, but that just sets the "we don't know nothing" statements. There were a couple of allusions to Dec. 29th ... for some reason my daughter has had it in her head that she will be getting out of the VZ County Jail today - and transferred to Dallas for an outstanding warrant. Maybe - apparently they had X number of days to hold her without an indictment, but how much of this is jailhouse legal advise and how much is fact, I'm not sure. It would stand to reason the same would apply to the "boyfriend" arrested the same day, but no one seems to think he'll be out any time soon.

I do think there is a real possibility that the county would find a way to get her off of their hands so that they aren't saddled with the cost of her delivery - a c-section slated for February 19th, if what she has told me so far is true. The concerning part is Dallas has never held her for more than 10 days for anything.  Could she be "out" when her baby is born? Yes, I think she might be.

I am pretty confident the other grand-parents know more than they are telling us. I wouldn't be surprised if my daughter has already signed whatever affidavits and paperwork is needed to transfer the baby to them at birth. It's a waiting game.

I could have been more pressing, I could have maybe cornered them and said what I have said here at least - but, per status quo, I think it would have only been more frustrating - I wouldn't have believed them, anyway.

So - today's a day I may or may not learn something. Sigh - they are all like that anyway. A day maybe my thinking shifts to a different kind of worry, a new unknown. Wonder what the new year has in store for us all.

All I can really do is repeat the serenity prayer and wait, and hope my daughter and her daughter are healthy and safe. Like her son is.


Syd said...

I'm glad that Landon is doing well. There really isn't anything that you can do about the daughter and the birth and the other parents. I have found that I am powerless over what others do. I just do my best to take care of myself and mind my own business. It's a full time job.

Athena said...

Very, very true Syd

Chic Mama said...

I'm sorry your grandson has been ill. I admire you for doing all of this....I really don't know how you do it. The shared care must be so difficult and not letting you know Landon was out of hospital yet you sound so calm. I have a lot to learn.

Kathy M. said...

This sounds very hard. Thanks for sharing.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

I am so glad Landon is feeling so much better. None of us would choose to go through the hell we have had to endure with our addicted kids...but I have learned so much about taking care of myself, learning to like and love myself and allowing others to walk their journey. Would I trade all that knowledge to not have had my kid be an addict, you betcha. I am grateful to have run across people like you in my life and for the lessons I have learned though as I am sure you are as well. I have learned much from you, thank you!

Lou said...

I should not be surprised that your daughter may be released considering the charges...but I am. Won't she have to testify against the baby's father? I don't know if the rules about testifying apply if you aren't married.

Well, I should take a lesson from this post, and not worry about things that I have no control over.
You are doing a great job of minding your own business!

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs to you.

Athena said...

well, I do of course worry... that will never change.

So far - no signs she's been released or transferred on the big 2-9 day...

And Lou, she wouldn't testify against him without incriminating herself - supposedly they were equally charged ... seems to me they would both stay or both be released - that's the odd thing about the "story" I heard. I hope you are right. Like I said, this info isn't really from any credible source.

And I get strength from you all.

Madison said...

Very unusual roles you've all taken on. It seems as though there's protection of the young children. Even that's unusual. You're a fine bunch of people. I hope your daughter starts walking in recovery.

Fractalmom said...

gak what a mess!!

maybe if daughter has already signed the baby girl over to the other grands, they will tire of Landon?

i'm in a pissy mood LOL. can you tell?

~ Tabitha ~ said...

That serenity prayer has saved my sanity countless sleepless nights..
Teaching me acceptance along the way.

All the best to you and your famiy for a new beginging in 2010.

PS.What Syd said ;)

Midnitefyrfly said...

I feel a lot of anxiety and anticipation wondering what the circumstances of your grand daughter's birth will be. I can only imagine what it is like for you. I think you are doing a good job of balancing all of the situations and I hope you find continued serenity, courage, and wisdom. Happy New Year :)

Laura said...

I'm so happy to see and hear that Landon is a healthy, resilient boy!

Prayers for Godly wisdom over the new grandchild...after all, she is as much to you as Landon is and it's just up to you how you want to press on that. Not sure that it's a totally "powerless" thing, or hands off entirely. Maybe I just still get tugged by that mama heart/child thing.

You and your husband are God's angels to your little grand.

Happy New Year and God Bless you...

njames said...

I like that photo. L walking bravely along, exploring his world, safe and secure knowing we are right there with him, loving him and keeping him safe.

I'm usually way too busy to think about this, but we are doing some great work here. We are this precious little boy's angels. And goddammit! we're doing good! Same for Fractal and all the others who are caring for precious innocent children.

And we will do the same for the new baby, given the opportunity. Unfortunately, you're correct in that the decision is at this time out of our hands. I also believe those people know more - a lot more - than they're telling us. It's possible they already have the signed affidavit of conservatorship. On the other hand, it's also possible A thinks she will be out of jail by the time the baby is born and will get to keep the baby and live happily ever after.

All I know for sure is we are ready to do what we know is right and are able to do. We make a damn fine family. (OK, gloating period is over. M needs help with homework).

Athena said...

Yes, Sweetheart - you are my strength and thanks for keeping me on an even keel...

It is so concerning and quite possible that no plans have been made - just like the period leading up to Landon's arrival.

We will do what we can, when we know what that is. I know A knows this also - and I hope her desire to hurt us does not prevent her, when this child is born, from doing the right thing to protect the truly innocent.

Barbara aka Layla said...

I guess the other grandparents prefer to play dumb :(

Good to know Landon is back to being his happy healthy self. He is a lucky little boy.

I hope you get some info on your daughter soon. I can't believe that baby is going to be here so soon! A girl :) Is there a name picked out?

Athena said...

I believe my daughter has chosen "Kaylee Marie" for the baby's name