Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Venting...

Grrr - I let her get to me... One thing I've learned about heroin addicts is not to take the hurtful things they do personally. It's not always easy to do, especially when the addict is your daughter and knows which buttons to push. So I let down my guard and BAM!

We went to see her yesterday - she's been moved to the antepartum section of Labor & Delivery - her IV's & catheter have been taken out, and they are only putting fetal monitor on twice a day for 20 minutes... My first thought was "oh shit... she could just walk out of here" - Anyway - we took her a care package with basic toiletries, some books, snacks, word puzzles, coloring book & crayon, a teddy bear - the type of comfort things that a parent knows their child likes.

She told us about a visit with hospital social worker she had - she understands she will not be taking baby home with her, and that CPS will be involved, and she'll have A LOT of work to do before she would be able to have custody of her baby.

She doesn't seem very concerned, or upset. Her biggest concern seems to be finding someone to bring "boyfriend" to the hospital. The one who has already lost 3 children to CPS. The one who has been on heroin for 10 years. None of this is surprising, just disheartening. It's not a good sign... a friend reminded me, bluntly, that "she ain't in there 'cause she wants help, she's in there 'cause she ran out of her fix..." - I'm pretty sure no one who cares about her is going to take him to the hospital - if he makes it on his own, there isn't anything we can do about it...


What *really* got to me was her saying she wants the baby to be placed with either her "boyfriend's" parents or the family that cps placed his other children with! She's playing a dangerous game here; either she is just doing this to "punish" me, or she is hoping the baby will be placed where she and boyfriend can have easier access to him (found out the baby is a boy) - or both. His parents do not want to take this baby, and neither the "boyfriend" or his parents have access at all to his other children - his parental rights were terminated!

So - No real enlightenment. Nothing we can do until the baby is born - I'm assuming CPS doesn't put much weight on what the addicts wishes are - we have spoken to an attorney and are ready to act when the baby is born... Most importantly, I need to keep in mind that she is an addict and NOTHING she is doing right now is right. We are fortunate that she is under medical care right now, and hope that she will stay there until the baby is born, and I need to remain realistic about WHY she is there... a fix.

(She also told the Dr that she wants to begin weaning off of the methadone - which sounded encouraging at first, but now I can't help wondering if her "plan" is to get the boyfriend or someone else to bring her the real stuff? Sigh.)

Thanks everyone for the thoughts and prayers... I'm hoping she goes into labor soon, where she and the baby are safe

9 comments:

BHM said...

I know it's wrong & I know it's her fault too.But don't you want to shoot that SOB boyfriend.
Unfortunately, there are more where he came from. But 4 kids he will not care of??

Athena said...

"But don't you want to shoot that SOB boyfriend"

UNDERSTATEMENT of the year!

pat said...

My first thought was I want to knock her up side the head so she can see reality. Then, I realized this was the junkie in her talking. She can't just wean off methadone. It is a slow process especially since there is a baby involved. When she withdraws so does the unborn child.I hope to God she has that baby soon before she has anymore brilliant ideas about where the baby should live.I am so glad you have an attorney. I would also suggest you speak with the social worker at the hospital so she knows where you stand. Sadly, I believe your daughter just wants to get out and keep using. Sadly, she is just as responsible for this situation as the boyfriend. They are both making bad choices.I am sending my support. You have a long road ahead of you and you need all the support in the world. That little boy needs you right now and he will have to be the priority. He is the one who can't make choices for himself, but is at the mercy of others and their choices.I know you love your daughter but she is not ready for sobriety and there is not a damn thing you can do about that. Truly sucks. Hugs. Hugs and more Hugs.

mother of drug addict said...

Make sure you have the hospital keep an eye on her, when kelly was in the hospital she had her dealer get her a fix while in there! Good luck and remember it's the baby who is the priority right now, if having a baby doesn't staighten her out I think it is in God's hands!

Fractalmom said...

please. do NOT wait to get your attorney involved. CPS will have made plans for this boy's placement by the time it is born.

Have your attorney contact CPS NOW. That is if you want the baby.

I really cannot stress this hard enough. The best way to be in control of your grandson's placement is to be VERY PROACTIVE. Do NOT trust the system. Do NOT trust CPS.

See, the thing is, there is a baby shortage. A baby boy is very adoptable. Parental rights can be terminated rather quickly in drug cases involving heroin.

Please, please PLEASE....don't wait. I would hate to see the baby placed in foster care with a stranger, then your daughter's rights terminated, then the baby adopted out and you will never see your grandson.

I know what the law says about relative placement being first choice. I also know how CPS thinks.

They always figure....well, the grandparents raised a child who turned out to be a heroin addict, so........lets NOT give the baby to them to do it again. Lets give this baby a real chance and have it adopted.

Do NOT take this chance. Pay the money and get the attorney involved NOW. Go for an emergency order effective upon the birth of the baby. This will put you and your husband in control of all. Actually, it may put CPS right out of the picture (although I am not certain on that one).

Fractalmom said...

oh. i forgot. When the five year old was born, she wasn't an hour old and my daughter's dealer was at the hospital delivering heroin. being on methadone doesn't make one bit of difference to them. They use while on methadone. They just need more, which makes it that much harder because they are then at greater risk for overdose.

Athena said...

I am actually up early today because we have an appointment at 10 am with an Attorney downtown ... so far everyone has told us that according to Texas code there is nothing we can do until the baby is born

Will update when we get back

Hugs to everyone - Thanks for the thoughts and support

kel said...

Please keep us updated. Wish I had something useful to share, but will just send you hugs and support. That little boy and his momma are lucky to have you!!

Laura said...

Hi Athena...and all others,

I'm praying for all of this ... such a precarious position you are in...and at the hands of programs that don't really seem to work...

Thanks to you, and everyone else, for linking me and connecting me in.

So glad, so glad.