Wednesday, December 9, 2009

About a Boy and his Pacy

Landon was greeted by us eagerly and was happy to see us - and his pacy. "Mean grampy" (Cheri, I think you get credit for that one - lol) wasn't there... but that wasn't the point, really - He can take it or leave it as far as we are concerned. The baby, that is. That's the thing - there are plenty of no-no's and rules and they are very important because of safety. Then there are rules that we teach by example - sharing, playing nice, no hitting, respecting others, the golden rule, etc etc... We're not going to just make them up so we can be in control - sigh.

I want to say that I got an email from Landon's paternal Aunt, K, and we talked a good while. She would like readers of this blog to know that:

"As the daughter of the "mean" grandpa, being sober my entire life, the mother of 3 beautiful boys, friend of the author of this blog, and aunt of "Baby Landon" as my boys call him, I would like to share that I have not seen a pacifier in Landon's mouth for several months. I personally only allowed my children to have a pacifier until the age of three months because I offered them the comfort they needed and refused to have to pay for the dental problems that may occur because of long term use. He is not under stress or dismay at my parents' house, in fact we spend many days as a family going to the park, shopping, playing outside, playing peek-a-boo, visiting family members in the area, watching "Winn Dixie", and many other family oriented activities. My parents are moral, ethical, CHRISTIAN, people ... We are not horrible people, just on the other side of the fence...."

I would just like to re-iterate one more time then let it rest: What he did in yanking the pacifier out of Landon's mouth and how he did it and what he said and why was wrong. It happened. It's wrong for anyone to act that way. Clearly we disagree with their family view point on pacifiers, but not "just because" ... a member of their family works in a dentist's office, so maybe, just maybe, they will take the time to read and share what American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry has to say about pacifiers.

It's not really about what we grandparents think about pacifiers.


As far as being on the other side of "the fence", it reminds me of a line I read once: "I shall never see a castle without thinking of how stong we could have been had we had built the walls around us, rather than between..."  That was more communication about Landon from anyone on the paternal side that we've had since he was born. I've known K since she was 16 and best friends with my oldest daughter and called me "mom", and though we haven't always agreed, I care for her very much. She's in a tough spot, and I appreciate her stepping over that fence.

We actually have much in common, our two families; most importantly Landon and his expected sister... and the heartache of an addicted and loved child, sister, brother...

In fact, I did my best to explain to K that this blog is my place for processing my thoughts and feelings, and spreading my own testament to the pain and confusion of loving an addict... and the people who I link to here and who commented on my last post are loving people who would just as soon help her father rather than knock him down for the pain he and her mother have also gone through as parents of addicts - BUT - In many ways,  it's like a no BS zone, too... one lesson I think we've all learned is one of the first steps in truly helping our addicts recover is letting go of some of our own destructive and defeating thought processes and controlling behaviors.

You know - It took me a while to get used to the idea of placing newborns on their backs to sleep - But I did it anyway. I may not ever get over how contrary that is to the way newborns were placed on their tummies when my children were babies, and how right that was, then.

Moving forward.

10 comments:

Fractalmom said...

once again proving there are no black and white's, only shades of grey.

Brother Frankie said...

i always though we were supposed to prop newborns up in the corner of the crib. (use velcro left over from bumpers)

sheesh, the thing you learn on a blog..

Brother Frankie

Athena said...

LOL - I think that might work, Bro Frankie. I admit I improvised a bit & rolled a receiving blanket up and did a kind of 3/4 on the back, 1/4 on the side prop up...

My real preference when ever possible was holding Landon while he slept - His favorite place was on Papa's chest :-)

Lou said...

Yes, there are two sides to every story (unless it's being told by the addict). I'm glad you printed her response, and let her be heard. Your readers here feel like Landon is one of their own. Without the diapers. LOL

Midnitefyrfly said...

I want to say "HI" first, as I am pretty new here. It took me a good bit of reading to get caught up.

I can relate to so much on your blog. Most of the addict parents I follow have boys. My kids were THE defining moment in my recovery and it forces me to look outside my box to fully understand different aspects of addiction.

Your daughter is very lucky to have you raising her son. I hope it was reassuring to get some more insight into the whole picture, although I agree that what he did was mean.

I remember how hard it was sending my kids to their Dad for his weekends. He suddenly had very different parenting ideals based on his new (childless) girlfriend's thoughts.

Athena said...

Welcome Midnight, thank you for taking the time to read and catch up... I look forward to hearing more from you

~hugs~

Annette said...

You are such a big person....you know what I'm saying. Not in stature....

Deep deep admiration friend.

Isle Dance said...

Perfectly said. It was the action. The grabbing. The anger. The justification. The lack of empathy. Never, ever okay. Especially in front of/toward a child of any age. That is a pattern of abuse. It's wrong and I'd document it and any other.

Syd said...

I'm glad that you are letting it go. It doesn't need to fester.

pat said...

Reaching out to offer support. I have changed my blog. It is no longer Child Lost but Life is about the journey.