Saturday, January 30, 2010

The No-Drama Zone

Well - not much to tell, but here's an update...

I have seen my daughter twice - she got released from Dallas County shortly after my last post - we were out eating dinner and having a nice time and the phone rang - she was out, at a payphone - and supposedly couldn't reach anybody. It was one of the coldest nights of the year... I was about to go pick her up, but called the "others" first and they were already on their way to get her. Would have been very apropos if I had gone to get her and she was already on her way, with no one calling to tell me. Almost happened.

Anyway - I saw her the last two times we took Landon for exchange. She is very pregnant, looks ok. That's about all I know. I hugged her. She could care less, because, well, she's not in  jail.

She is only there when we are dropping Landon off, never when we pick him up.  She wrote and called me frequently from jail - nothing since she has been out, except that one cold night when she was covering her bases. Yeah, I know.

I did ask her and "boyfriend's" mother at points if she is still seeing the doctor she saw while in jail. Both said a hesitant yes. The "boyfriend's" mom last time told me no, then yes, but that they do NOT have a c-section date scheduled. They "don't know nothin'...  Ok. Fine. Whatever. I have a feeling I may find out about the birth after the fact, and likely not from daughter or "boyfriend's" family.  I have no idea where she is staying - supposedly with a "lady from church." IF that is true I can only imagine the whoppers that good Samaritan was told.

Really, honestly... I don't care. I am well aware we likely will not get a call unless someone needs us to do something that no one else thought of, prepared for or will do - and, honestly, in that case, we just might not be able to do it. In fact - I feel that they are very responsible via their enabling for where my daughter's life is now. Frankly, I'm not losing sleep over any of it.

Apparently everything is just fine, under control - good for them all. Maybe THIS TIME someone besides my husband and I have made plans for a newborn. Am I worried about the baby? Of course. But it's not a game, no conspiracy here - If they are getting some amusement or feel a victory that they are "hiding" something, they are playing it by themselves. Have a blast. You "win!" ... We simply aren't playing. If my daughter isn't using, and as long as "boyfriend" is still in jail she might actually stay clean; maybe the reality of caring for a newborn is exactly what she needs to wake-up. The "others" want to take care of her - feel free! Maybe then *they* will wake up. They just better understand they will be held accountable for keeping Landon, when he is in their care, and the new babe safe.

*I* know this:

I didn't Cause it
I can't Control it
I can't Cure it

Syd says it well, whether the addiction is heroin, alcohol or "boyfriends" here

And the serenity prayer.


Cindy said...

This part that Syd said, it IS AWESOME!
Remembering these three points has allowed me to respond to an alcoholic's behavior by taking care of myself rather than reacting based on anxiety or resentment. If I start feeling anger, fear and resentment, then I will take the steps necessary to stop my destructive thoughts and get back into myself. This may involve leaving for a while, calling my sponsor, going to do something that I want to do or a host of other things that will get the focus off the alcoholic and onto me. And this is the essence of detaching with love.
I wonder, with my stressed out fried brain, is there any way that I could memorize it? Nope! I could tatoo it on the back of my hand, nahhhhh. I think that i'll print it off and put it in my little red book. I have this little book/spiral...hardbound sort of. I'm a not taker and a visual learner. So, in my Al Anon meeetings I take notes on random paper/envelopes/scraps and bring them home and transfer them to my little red book. It helps me remember the "aha" things that I just heard.

Chic Mama said...

I don't have any wise words to say, I just am always in awe of your control and acceptance. I think about your family a lot, trying to imagine it all. Take care.

Madison said...

This bothers me. You deserve respect.

Fractalmom said...

well, you can just alert Child Services and then let the baby fall where and when it may, I guess. Since you have custody of the other child, you will be first on the list anyway. Even if she gives custody to the other grands, if they are allowing a junkie full access to a baby. Oh, nevermind. You know all this and I know how that county works anyway. At least try for visitation with the new one.

My heart and soul are with you both, and kisses and hugs to Landon.

Athena said...

yeah - I hear you fractal - and you know I will do at least that

Madison - Thank you. We do get lots of respect from our other children and family members and people who know us. Not to be respected by the other grandparents, frankly, is no insult to us - The group of folks that they might respect is likely one I do not want to belong to anyway.

Isn't it sad?

Hugs Cindy & Chic Mama!

Lou said...

Your acceptance is amazing, but what else can you do. At least it sounds like your daughter and baby are in good health. Maybe jail was just where she needed to be to keep the unborn child healthy (you know what I mean).

Sometimes..sometimes, they come to their senses. I'm praying for your daughter to beat the odds.

Hap Joy Free said...

congrats on living....and let live.

Cheri said...

Can't add a thing to the other comments here, as they've said it all and said it well. Just want you to know you are all in our prayers.

Cheri and Wayne

Syd said...

Take care of yourself and it sounds like you are doing that. It's hard to detach with love but once I did, a lot of good things started happening for me and for those around me. They started to wake up.

pat said...


kristi said...

I do think it is sad when innocent babies are involved.

A Mom's Serious Blunder said...

Oh my...adding a baby into the mix. Talk about stressful. I wish had something insightful to say but I don't.... so I am just going to add you to my prayers. Not playing into the hide and seek manipulation game is a good strategy.