Sunday, September 6, 2009

Alive and supposedly well

Well, a family member recently saw daughter - said says she actually looks pretty well.

Her reason for not contacting me apparently is

1. I am too hard on her
2. First time I saw her out of jail I did not hug her (see Baby Steps)
3. My blog here has put her life on display

Sigh. Family member also reports that the real truth is likely she prefers to surround herself with people who feed into her BS. Sadly, I must agree. This would be the "boyfriend's" family.

But. I am glad if she really is doing well. I would be happy to shout from rooftops, mountains, blogs the good news - a recovery story - a happy ending. [A new beginning]

Until then, I'll post as I see fit - what I feel, what I believe, what I know... what I think may help other parents and addicts. I don't know any other way to do it.

I had no idea she knew of my blog. I do not think she's actually read it, though. I suspect those who are in the grips of enabling her and "boyfriend" may take offense at some things I've written. That's too bad. Like my daughter, any one of them could pick up the phone, or visit, and have a meaningful conversation about the situation. This has never happened - from the time I learned about her heroin use over 2 years ago up to today.


Annette said...

You know I think we all have to do what we have to do to cope. Blogginng is our way of coping and processing our lives. I try to be sensitive to those private lives around me, I don't use names or locations....but ultimately blogging is mine.

Glad to hear your daughter sounds like she is doing ok. You keep taking care of Athena and baby boy and hubby. Is he feeling better?

Chic Mama said...

I'm really sad for you....I know exactly what you are saying and only a person affected by another's addictions could describe it.
Firstly I relate to her blaming you for not 'hugging' her which is why she isn't in contact!!! What an excuse, and another way of shifting blame onto someone else. My husband is VERY good at that.
Secondly, he also has surrounded himself with 'yes' people. People enabling him by 'kissing up to him' never saying "No". This includes his family who have totally cut me off, their Daughter in law for 18 years and virtually cut themselves off from their five grandchildren.
THEY are the people I am beginning to hate in all of this because they haven't any excuse for their behaviour.
I hope your daughter comes back to you one day, I am struggling sooo much with my husband's rejection but a child.....I'm so sorry.

njames said...

Glad to see your anger outweigh your worry. Now that you know she's doing ok, and is simply ignoring you because she's being selfish and childish and prefers the company of enablers instead of those who love her and could help her, the rest of us would very much like for you to rejoin us. We've missed you, Angel.

Madison said...

Mom vs Heroin, I admire you. Every mom should take a stand against drugs as far as I'm concerned. I totally get exactly where you're at with your daughter. And I totally get that your daughter is angry. Addicts don't like people who take a stand. Your blog leaves your daughter anonymous, but I am also sensitive to blogging my daughter out of being anonymous. Since you have not done that, I would remember not to take a high level of negative emotion coming from your daughter personally. I also lived through frustrating years of the enabling boyfriend's family. In the end, just like your daughter, you get to decide what is best for your life. You also have significance. Your goal in life should not be to dance when an addict starts to play the music. You get to do what is best for you. She will hopefully learn some good lessons from your behavior and do the same for herself. Recovery is a process, and if she's heading in that direction and the boyfriend isn't, eventually she'll get it. It's all hurtful stuff, but I for one admire you. Prayer unleashes the power of the heavens.

pat said...

You have grown so much in the last year. Stay the course.

Athena said...

You all are wonderful, you know that?

And I am sorry how much an addict drains from non-addicted family members who need love and support as they continue in positive directions... I'll do my best to remember, as Madison said "not to dance when the addict plays the music..."

Athena said...

And yes, Annette - Hubby is feeling better - I think hardest part for him was having to be still a little while ;-)

We are all getting back on track here.

MEM said...

I have a loved one who is a heroin addict too, and I just want to tell you how much I appreciate you sharing your experiences on this blog. Thank you.

Lou said...

Athena, the addict (even if they are not using), just talks so much nonsense. You know better than to take any of it to heart. Whatever gets attention..they will play THAT card.

Their entire profile is on the internet at the department of corrections and the county court's website. Uhh, I don't think your blog is any big smear to her reputation.

Fractalmom said...

yeah. that anger thing.

did you ever realize you were THAT powerful that you personally were responsible for every bad thing that has happened to her? I never knew I had that much power!! Well, until mine blamed me for everything bad in her life including her using, etc.

detach, detach, detach.

it's the only way to stay sane.

Marsha said...

It's great you finally have an update on her. That's something, in spite of whether or not she's happy with you.

It never ceases to amaze me how our kids think they should say as they wish, do as they please in spite of how it affects us, yet heaven forbid we show any feelings or concerns on the matter. Sheesh. It's as if because we are their parent they expect us not to be feeling human people as well.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

You are taking care of you and that's the best thing you can do for her. I am always encouraged by your blog. I bet she will come around in time. Glad to hear she's doing good!

Syd said...

I agree with what Lou said. It sounds like a lot of manipulation. If she is alive and doing well, that's what's important. Take care of yourself which is more important.