The watch continues... I am happy to report that she is still in the hospital, and reality seems to be sinking in. I am glad for that, very glad...
It's sad, too. She is showing an emotion that I haven't seen in her for over a year: Shame. That's a valid thing for her to feel - and it's painful.
She tried to cut back to 5 mg of methadone a day, but she didn't do well - she was disappointed, but the Dr convinced her to do 10mg a day for the next 4 days, and then maybe a lower dose - She does seem to be really thinking of the baby now, and the effects on him, with/without the methadone - another good sign. She was pretty emotional yesterday.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Venting...
Grrr - I let her get to me... One thing I've learned about heroin addicts is not to take the hurtful things they do personally. It's not always easy to do, especially when the addict is your daughter and knows which buttons to push. So I let down my guard and BAM!
We went to see her yesterday - she's been moved to the antepartum section of Labor & Delivery - her IV's & catheter have been taken out, and they are only putting fetal monitor on twice a day for 20 minutes... My first thought was "oh shit... she could just walk out of here" - Anyway - we took her a care package with basic toiletries, some books, snacks, word puzzles, coloring book & crayon, a teddy bear - the type of comfort things that a parent knows their child likes.
She told us about a visit with hospital social worker she had - she understands she will not be taking baby home with her, and that CPS will be involved, and she'll have A LOT of work to do before she would be able to have custody of her baby.
She doesn't seem very concerned, or upset. Her biggest concern seems to be finding someone to bring "boyfriend" to the hospital. The one who has already lost 3 children to CPS. The one who has been on heroin for 10 years. None of this is surprising, just disheartening. It's not a good sign... a friend reminded me, bluntly, that "she ain't in there 'cause she wants help, she's in there 'cause she ran out of her fix..." - I'm pretty sure no one who cares about her is going to take him to the hospital - if he makes it on his own, there isn't anything we can do about it...
We went to see her yesterday - she's been moved to the antepartum section of Labor & Delivery - her IV's & catheter have been taken out, and they are only putting fetal monitor on twice a day for 20 minutes... My first thought was "oh shit... she could just walk out of here" - Anyway - we took her a care package with basic toiletries, some books, snacks, word puzzles, coloring book & crayon, a teddy bear - the type of comfort things that a parent knows their child likes.
She told us about a visit with hospital social worker she had - she understands she will not be taking baby home with her, and that CPS will be involved, and she'll have A LOT of work to do before she would be able to have custody of her baby.
She doesn't seem very concerned, or upset. Her biggest concern seems to be finding someone to bring "boyfriend" to the hospital. The one who has already lost 3 children to CPS. The one who has been on heroin for 10 years. None of this is surprising, just disheartening. It's not a good sign... a friend reminded me, bluntly, that "she ain't in there 'cause she wants help, she's in there 'cause she ran out of her fix..." - I'm pretty sure no one who cares about her is going to take him to the hospital - if he makes it on his own, there isn't anything we can do about it...
Monday, July 7, 2008
In Hospital
Daughter called me yesterday morning a little after 9 because she was "sick" - with withdrawal. She and "boyfriend" both - not because they decided to quit, but because her car broke down.
I convinced her to let her dad drive her to the hospital in Terrel (1/2 way between us) - They ended up care-flighting her to Baylor Medical Center in Dallas, because of the high-risk pregnancy and they have a level 3 NICU. Before she was transported she'd started having contractions. She had "all kinds of things going on..." per the nurse
When we got to Baylor about an hour later, they wouldn't let us in to see her - finally the doctor came to talk to us and explained that she had been very combative, they almost used restraints, but once they got some methadone in her, she settled down. We went in and were relieved to see her calm and comfortable. Hungry, even.
Sonogram shows her to be about 36 weeks, her cervix is still thick, and the contractions seemed to have stopped (magnesium.) I like the Doctor - he would like to keep her and see if she'll go closer to full term and is hoping that "free methadone" will be the incentive for her to stay in the hospital. He said he won't discharge her until the baby is born, but they can't force her to stay... he is also going to get psychiatry involved.
Keep us in your thoughts!
I convinced her to let her dad drive her to the hospital in Terrel (1/2 way between us) - They ended up care-flighting her to Baylor Medical Center in Dallas, because of the high-risk pregnancy and they have a level 3 NICU. Before she was transported she'd started having contractions. She had "all kinds of things going on..." per the nurse
When we got to Baylor about an hour later, they wouldn't let us in to see her - finally the doctor came to talk to us and explained that she had been very combative, they almost used restraints, but once they got some methadone in her, she settled down. We went in and were relieved to see her calm and comfortable. Hungry, even.
Sonogram shows her to be about 36 weeks, her cervix is still thick, and the contractions seemed to have stopped (magnesium.) I like the Doctor - he would like to keep her and see if she'll go closer to full term and is hoping that "free methadone" will be the incentive for her to stay in the hospital. He said he won't discharge her until the baby is born, but they can't force her to stay... he is also going to get psychiatry involved.
Keep us in your thoughts!
Friday, July 4, 2008
The waiting game...
Still no baby... this waiting sure is nerve wracking.
Just like everything else concerning my daughter this past year, it's frustrating to be so powerless to steer her towards positive outcomes... Babies come when they come, of course, but not knowing how "in tune" my daughter is with her body, where she'll be when labor starts, and how she will react - well... you know.
She and the "boyfriend" seem to be spiraling a bit this past week - scamming money, telling stories, etc... She had a court date last week and drove to Dallas for it ... but didn't go - says it was rescheduled. I've heard that one before.
Last night she told her dad her cell phone got stolen -
I really don't know what she is expecting... whether she really believes she is going to be able to keep this baby that she has made absolutely no plans for, choosing the boyfriend's life and addiction, this boyfriend who has already lost 3 children to CPS, instead. She doesn't really talk about AFTER the baby comes - It could be she expects to hand the baby over... It could be that she will be hurt and angry when we intervene. I really don't know...
Happy 4th, every one ... be safe
Just like everything else concerning my daughter this past year, it's frustrating to be so powerless to steer her towards positive outcomes... Babies come when they come, of course, but not knowing how "in tune" my daughter is with her body, where she'll be when labor starts, and how she will react - well... you know.
She and the "boyfriend" seem to be spiraling a bit this past week - scamming money, telling stories, etc... She had a court date last week and drove to Dallas for it ... but didn't go - says it was rescheduled. I've heard that one before.
Last night she told her dad her cell phone got stolen -
I really don't know what she is expecting... whether she really believes she is going to be able to keep this baby that she has made absolutely no plans for, choosing the boyfriend's life and addiction, this boyfriend who has already lost 3 children to CPS, instead. She doesn't really talk about AFTER the baby comes - It could be she expects to hand the baby over... It could be that she will be hurt and angry when we intervene. I really don't know...
Happy 4th, every one ... be safe
Thursday, June 26, 2008
No turning back...
How it will all turn out... Daughter 18 and her boyfriend, addicted to heroin, and a baby due any day... she hasn't had prenatal care since April. I did my best "fundus measurement" in a brief visit with her, and the tape measure shows 38 cm. How to reach her? How to protect her from herself? More importantly, how to protect the child on the way without alienating my daughter even more? (Imagine - the only thing MORE alienating than heroin)
My maternal instinct has and remains painfully strong. I will protect the innocent to the best of my ability, including obtaining custody as long as necessary to ensure the baby is not exposed to heroin and it's consequences once born.
I am praying that my daughter will give birth not only to a healthy child, but also to this prevailing mother-love that will finally be the factor that moves her to get away from heroin and heroin users for good.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
As we head into summer...
As I head into the summer, I am optimistic about many things, and of course concerned about a lot of things... Daughter's pregnancy is advancing and she seems to be doing well, although as far as I know she hasn't had another OB/GYN appointment, which is a concern. To recap, shortly after she was bonded out of jail by "boyfriend's" parent on heroin possession charge I contacted her OB/GYN to inform them of her heroin use during pregnancy... I still think it was the right thing to do, in light of things that she had told me - but, no suprise, it angered her A LOT, and I haven't seen her since... I have been in contact with her though, and I am glad for that.
She and her "boyfriend" are living with her father - Around Mother's day I printed off some family photos of her and her family over the years - and used them as stationary to let her know how much we (her family) have always loved her & still do - and to let her know that I miss her and am happy to hear from her father that she is doing well. I made a point of not dwelling on heroin, et al... just reminding her that I am here for her if she needs me. She responded with a very nice phone call, and since then we have talked several times. I have sent her books (She loves to read - I resisted the urge to send her self-help books - I ordered her books by Stephanie Myers, her new favorite author who has a trilogy "The Twilight Saga" that is very popular ... about vampires, I think. She's always liked Stephen King, VC Andrews, Dean Koontz, etc. I did slip in "Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality" LOL. She called to thank me when she got the books... unfortunately, the Meyers book was the Spanish version, which was pretty funny. Yesterday I mailed her a return label so that she could send it back to Amazon, and I included some maternity clothes for her.
Her dad thinks they are staying clean, and when I talk to her she sounds good, so I am going with that for now - The baby is due in July, and I don't want to be estranged. Her father and I have just about talked her into returning to her OB/GYN here... They drug tested her on her last appointment in April, and she told me that it was "clean" ... if true, there is no reason for her to avoid the Doctor, who she really liked.
She and her "boyfriend" are living with her father - Around Mother's day I printed off some family photos of her and her family over the years - and used them as stationary to let her know how much we (her family) have always loved her & still do - and to let her know that I miss her and am happy to hear from her father that she is doing well. I made a point of not dwelling on heroin, et al... just reminding her that I am here for her if she needs me. She responded with a very nice phone call, and since then we have talked several times. I have sent her books (She loves to read - I resisted the urge to send her self-help books - I ordered her books by Stephanie Myers, her new favorite author who has a trilogy "The Twilight Saga" that is very popular ... about vampires, I think. She's always liked Stephen King, VC Andrews, Dean Koontz, etc. I did slip in "Heading Home with Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality" LOL. She called to thank me when she got the books... unfortunately, the Meyers book was the Spanish version, which was pretty funny. Yesterday I mailed her a return label so that she could send it back to Amazon, and I included some maternity clothes for her.
Her dad thinks they are staying clean, and when I talk to her she sounds good, so I am going with that for now - The baby is due in July, and I don't want to be estranged. Her father and I have just about talked her into returning to her OB/GYN here... They drug tested her on her last appointment in April, and she told me that it was "clean" ... if true, there is no reason for her to avoid the Doctor, who she really liked.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Not so good, after all
With regards to last post, up until about 9:30 this morning, I was still under the assumption that things are good - better even than the last time I posted. I had helped my daughter find another ob/gyn because the atmosphere at the office of the one she had been seeing just wasn't good - She had her first appointment with new Dr yesterday and was so excited - a direct quote from my daughter: "I love, love, love her!!!" The office was friendly and nurturing, and treated her with respect. She was particularly touched that they gave her a diaper bag filled with samples and pamphlets and etc... And that's what prenatal visits should be, what I remember them being: Something to look forward to, a nurturing environment.
My daughter even called me at about 11pm to thank me once again for all of my help and emotional support. She sounded good. Happy.
Well. The call this morning was to inform me that my daughter is in jail. Details are sketchy... Apparently both she and her "boyfriend" (see earlier posts) were arrested. When bondsman office called, I learned that my daughter is being held on a "possession of a controlled substance" in the county jail in the small E. Texas town she is living in. Heroin.
My daughter even called me at about 11pm to thank me once again for all of my help and emotional support. She sounded good. Happy.
Well. The call this morning was to inform me that my daughter is in jail. Details are sketchy... Apparently both she and her "boyfriend" (see earlier posts) were arrested. When bondsman office called, I learned that my daughter is being held on a "possession of a controlled substance" in the county jail in the small E. Texas town she is living in. Heroin.
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